So I am going to go back to bullet point it...
- I have a mother who never wanted to be a mother.
- I was always aware of that fact.
- She didn’t even want to be a part of a family. Hers, ours, anyone’s.
- She married Satan.
- He was extremely abusive to her and the children.
- She repeatedly told me that despite the abuse, she would never choose me over him.
- And she didn’t. So she’s not a liar.
- My goal in life is to keep the peace. There is a direct connection between this behavior and how we had to live in Satan’s house.
- I struggle to feel worthy.
- It’s only been within the last few years that I truly realized that my best friends, some since birth, really do just love me for me and there is no need to attempt to impress.
- Which is great because trying to impress someone is exhausting.
- For years I worked on forgiving my mother. And I believe I have.
- But I still have sadness. I would give anything to know a mother’s love for just one hour.
- But that sadness isn’t omnipresent. It doesn’t consume my life.
- Currently I am working on letting go. Letting go of that dream to know her love.
- Letting go in general does not come naturally to me.
And there you go. My lot in life and what I am doing to overcome it. Nothing you haven't heard before. But it's all pretty important to me and something I struggle with/work on (depending on the day) rather often.