Thursday, March 7, 2013
When Family Fun Days Are Less Than Fun
Three times in the last two days I have had to explain why I don't attend family events to people I don't know very well. Not events for my own family. And not dinner at a friend's home with her family. I specifically mean events and fundraisers that are for families to attend. Where everyone attending will be in a family unit. Except me.
I avoid them like the plague. I just don't do family fun days or family bowling events or park play dates for the whole family or family apple picking or any of that jazz.
And I used to feel a lot of guilt about it. Now I am down to a more manageable amount of guilt.
I want a family. I can't have a family. I have not yet accepted this and am currently very heartbroken over the matter. Salt in wounds doesn't improve things for me. So I stick to non family specific events.
I am bringing this up not because I need support to justify my decisions. But because my "group" is so often over-looked. The 30-something who just might be single forever. And as a result, insensitive comments abound.
Listen, I'm working on my issues. I know that I need to come to a place of acceptance. This is my lot. I am trying hard to make progress. But not everyone is in a place of realizing she needs to accept her lack of a family.
So when you tell her she is being ridiculous, needs to get over it, or needs to be patient, it hurts. When you tell her that you know someone who got married in her 60's, she wants to die a little inside. When you tell her you would never have kids after age 34 or 35, she probably sheds a tear right there with you overlooking it. When you tell her that life is so much more fun without a husband and kids and then look at your watch to see if it's time to go home to your husband and kids, it cuts her to the core.
It's not about jealously, though that's certainly there a little bit on dark days. It's not about setting the bar too high, either. Though I also get that we don't all receive the same blessings.
99% of the time I do not sit around and wallow about what I don't have. But in great part, it's because I take care to avoid salty wound situations.
My point is that everyone has a story. So if someone tells you she isn't comfortable attending an event, good golly, just leave it at that. Just because you don't understand or agree with her reasons, doesn't make them invalid.