Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Pinterest Refuses To Do It For Me.
Did you know that no matter how much time you spend holding her hand and telling Pinterest that she's pretty, she will still refuse to do a damn thing for you?
I am loyally pinning recipe after recipe. And yet, she won't ever come cook them for me.
I am loyally pinning workout tip after workout tip, all promising to make me skinny in like a minute and a half without doing a single sit up or dropping a bead of sweat. But did you know that one must actually do the workouts? Like, Pinterest won't just poof make me skinny.
I am loyally pinning house idea after house idea. But...um...I don't actually own a house. I assumed Pinterest would buy it or build it for me. You know what happens when you assume. What's up with that, Pinterest?!
But even though Pinterest is a total tease and offers nothing but false promises, I still love her. She's the Chris Brown to my Rhianna. The court room to my Lindsay Lohan. The Ben and Jerry's to my freezer. I should stay away. It's not healthy for me to pretend at 10 PM that I will really get my arse up early to workout and then make healthy foods and paint my walls six shades of glorious grey. The entire relationship is full of false promises and seeing what I want to see, instead of anything based in reality.
But I can't stay away.
At 2AM when I have insomnia and toss and turn and can't find anything on TV, she coddles me. She's like a time sucking hug. She tells me it will all be fine, after I just pin a few more fantasy gardens to my board. Sleep is not nearly as important as yet another pin on how to grow the perfect tomato.
Sometimes Pinterest makes me feel less than.
No house of my own. And even if I did, the chances of it looking like hers would be slim to none. I'm too lazy to cook anything fancy. I seriously eat eggs at least once a week for dinner. Ditto on a baked potato- you can put anything on that thing and call it dinner. My dinner parties never looks like hers. I'm not skinny and too lazy to do anything about it. My outfits are never that cute. At least not in the winter. I am a lay to the z stylist in the winter. Cable knit Lilly sweater, skinny jeans, and wellies from Target or Sperry. Every. Single. Day. Pinterest always has the most amazing ensembles and accessories. She also reads great books and rattles off motivating quotes. I watch Honey Boo Boo and Duck Dynasty.
And yet...I go back to her time and time again. She's a black hole of unfinished promises and project ideas I will never attempt.
But she's pretty.
If you're counting... it's one point for Pinterest and zero for KK.
Well played, pretty lady. Well played.