Friday, August 13, 2010

How I Developed A Hunchback

Last night I was walking down my stairs, ready to go to a girlfriend's Pampered Chef party. Not really my favorite type of party but I was happy to get out and see some girls for the evening. And not that it matters but I looked pretty darn cute. Cute sundress, pink monogrammed Bonannos, good make up day and great hair day. Girls, we all know that stars must align for all those things to happen on the same day. Anyway, so I'm walking down my back deck staircase, or the first two steps, when something terrible happened. I fell. Down about 10 stairs. I have replayed that moment over and over and over in my head and I still cannot figure out what went wrong. The Bonannos are not new so they are not overly slippy on the bottom or anything. I was holding on to the railing because I am a wee bit paranoid that I will fall. I've done it in the winter before on the black ice. Actually I fell a few years ago down my front staircase too but I only fell down 2 or 3 steps. OK, reading this I am apparently a closeted klutz! I didn't even realize it until now. Learn something new every day, I suppose.

But I have to tell you that few things hurt as badly as my fall last night. I somehow caught myself with my left arm (the one holding the railing) and then my entire right side. Right thigh, right booty, right back and right arm. My right shoulder/arm had to be propped up all night and my back/booty situation is a hot mess. I am uncomfortable sitting, standing, leaning, laying on my tummy, sides and back. So it's pretty much totally awesome! Oh and I have this ginormous black and blue bump on my right bum/back. It sort of looks like I have three bums. I know, I'm so crass. But it is what it is folks. It ain't purdy, that's for darn sure! Oh and I have gashes on the back of both my ankles that make it sort of painful to move my feet. I think they will heel pretty quickly though. Not that it matters considering it hurts to move most of my body anyway.

Honestly I am incredibly lucky. I only fell down half of the stairs and it is a much longer than typical staircase. And I landed on my backside. Oh sure, it hurts like hell at the moment but at least no one can see my purple hunchback thing I have going on. It would be another story altogether if it was on my face! I didn't break or even sprain anything. Just bruised and scratched. In the grand scheme of things, I am a lucky duck. Who happens to be in a good deal of pain as she can't find even one comfortable position at the moment. Ouch!

Thankfully Bethenny was on TV to entertain me for one last show of the season (am I the only one super sad to see this show go off air? I could watch that crew daily- I laugh my purple ass off!). What the heck? There is a job titled "stroller specialist?!!" Two of them came to teach Bethenny and Jason about their stroller purchase. This cannot be a real job. Only in Manhattan. I don't have a kid but I am thinking this might be my calling in life. Or is it like calling yourself a "consultant" (HUGE pet peeve of mine when someone just says they "do consulting" and purposely don't include what filed they do this magical consulting in!!) and you can just add "specialist" being any sort of anything. I could do consulting in all sorts of specialities like cookie dough, fruit pies, flip flops, grosgrain ribbon, procrastination, kitchen counter cleaning (another pet peeve- any sort of anything sticky or messy or crumby anything on kitchen counters), and a million other important niche areas. Stroller specialist....this seriously cannot be a real thing!

18 comments:

Whitney and the Preppy Puppy said...

Ouch! I am so sorry about your fall. It sounds just dreadful. So glad that you're okay.

Natalie said...

Oh, gosh! Falling down the stairs is always a fear of mine--considering I have stairs in my condo, I worry often! I'm so sorry you fell but am glad you are not seriously injured. However, promise us you will go to the DR if you still feel bad today!

Natalie
http://twoprepsinapod.blogspot.com

Jo said...

Oh you poor thing! Feel better soon.

I know you're in a great deal of pain but you still made me laugh over your description of the event.

Hmmm ... future job change on the horizon? ;)

Jo

Buford Betty said...

Goodness girl, hope you are OK! I remember when you fell down the stairs of our apt and yelled for LFN to come out and help you. OMG. No worries... I'm a total klutz too. I constantly trip up and down stairs and run into door frames.

Melissa: Mother to 3 Little Sprouts said...

I feel down the steps at work once. BLACK AND BLUE FROM HIP TO KNEE. I have a permanent indent on my BUTT CHEEK from it! It's, like, a big indent- not a dimple... :)
Following you from Pink & Green!
Tiffany @ HGF

flip flops and pearls said...

Stopping by on the blog hop....although I am already a follower...hope you will stop in and say hi:)

Have a great day!!

Preppy Mama said...

Oh no. I have to tell you I love my Bonannos, they are like 3 years old and I wiped out with baby in my arms in the front of a store, no stairs.
Those babies are cute, but dangerous.
Hope you are on the mend.

Miss M! said...

Oh my goodness - you poor thing! I am super clumsy and have fallen down stairs PLENTY of times in my life (at least a half dozen off the top of my head) but I've never hurt myself that bad. Hopefully you heal up soon!

Yellow House Knits said...

How scary for you! I bet you're super-sore today. I fell down the stairs about ten years ago and had to have surgery as a result, so you were lucky! Take care of yourself and rest up!

garden state prep said...

Oh goodness! Hope you're feeling better - falling down is one of the scariest things in my opinion.

Sunshine and Summertime said...

I'm so sorry about your fall! After you're all better you'll be able to look back and laugh! And a stroller consultant? For real? I might need to look into that too...

Miss Wendy said...

I hope you feel better. I, too am such a klutz. I find that doors and walls just don't move for me.
As long as you didn't break anything the bruises will heal in time.

Preppy Pink Crocodile said...

Bestie-

I totally forgot about that fall in college! That was after the big ice storm one morning. OK so I clearly have issues with stairs!

JulesTX said...

Sorry to hear you had a fall. I too am a super klutz. My last fall took place in the parking lot at my local supermarket. I somehow manages to trip over my own feet and took a horrible spill.

Rest up for a few days and take something for the pain.

Black Labs and Lilly said...

Ouch!!!! Not that falling is ever fun, but to fall on a good hair/make-up/outfit day that is just plain, old rotten!!! Feel better soon!

Preppy in Pink said...

OMG! Hope you're feeling better soon! Have a little drinky poo and smile

Ruth said...

Ooh! I am so sorry. I hope you heal fast.

Molly said...

OMG!!! You poor thing! I am so sorry, glad you didn't break anything or worse. I hope you feel better soon! And yes so sad Bethenny is over, I plan on writing Bravo so they make it a regular show! :)

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