Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Dear

Dear Bravo TV,



Guess what I did? Give up? I cut out your Real Housewives New York, New Jersey and everything else cold turkey. I realized that watching your Real Housewives shows left me feeling upset. Physically upset and angry. From a TV show. And that's just not entertaining. So I cut you out. Danny/Danielle style. We're over. And I feel pretty great about it. However, if you kick out Kelly from NYC and Danielle from NJ and bring back Dina, I will consider watching again next season. But for now, I want no part of your nonsense.



Best,

KK





Dear Chelsea Clinton,



I LOVE your wedding dress. And love that you reportedly offered guests a late night snack of brownies and grilled cheese. Adorable.



Hugs,

KK







Dear Rachel Zoe,



I have great news for you! You did not in fact "literally die." I'm fairly certain that no one can literally die from just looking at a coat or pair of sunnies or a necklace. You do however, literally annoy me. But I'll totally watch your show. For exactly one reason. Brad! LOVE Brad!! I would be fine if he had his own show. Short shorts, bow ties and all.



Love,

KK







Dear Taylor from Rachel Zoe, Taylor Momsen and Kristen Stewart,



Come out of the dark cave y'all hide in while painting your nails black, sucking on lemons and perfecting your grimace. Smile, dammit! At what point did refusing to be happy become a "thing" in life? Embrace joy. Put the lemons down, ladies. Turn those frowns, upside down!



Smiles,

KK





Dear Justin Bieber,



Get a hair cut. Pull your pants up. And while you're at it, get your pants hemmed. What on earth could you possibly be "writing" about in your memoir. You're a Canadian teenager. A few years ago you were toting around a lunchbox. There seriously cannot be enough to warrant an entire book. Perhaps a pamphlet would be more appropriate. Tri-fold of course.



Sincerely,

KK





Dear University of Georgia,


Way to go on being named the #1 party school in the nation! Drink up, bulldawgs!



Cheers,

KK

9 comments:

Blonde Steel Magnolia said...

The pamphlet comment-BWAH!!!LOL!!

Susan said...

KK....you rock girl! Very well said on all counts. I'm raising a glass to you.

Jillian, Inc said...

haha- Agree....to every single one. Justin B. was actually in my kitchen eating chips + salsa a couple years ago with my friend's son who knew him from camp or something "normal" like that. Nice kid. And his pants didn't sag back then.

MLD said...

I laughed out loud reading this entire post. Was BBMing with a friend earlier saying that Biebs (as we so lovingly call him) will probably have to dedicate this riveting memoir to YouTube and/or Usher.

Tickled Pink said...

This was great!!

Katiellirb said...

best post ever! Soo funny and spot on!! :)

Just Add Walter said...

haaha I literally almost spit out my drink at the pamphlet (trifold) comment! LOVE IT! (and so true!)

Stacy said...

Just watched RHODC tonight and it was awful. I am proud to say that I will not be adding it to my DVR list. Also, I only watch Rachel Zoe for Brad - and to see if one day she will literally die because she is so damn skinny! Eat something girl, it won't stop you from wearing Chanel if you gain a pound!

Sherrie said...

ROTFLMAO! I so have to do a post like this sometime. Love all your letters. :)

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