Thursday, July 29, 2010

The Mother Strikes Back

So my mother just tried to friend me on Facebook. I about threw up. (see my Monster Monday posts if you are unclear what I am talking about) For now I am doing nothing about it. I am not clicking "ignore" because she can just keep trying to "friend." I blocked her email address years ago. She calls once a year or two and I delete that. Once every few years she mails me something and I return it to sender unopened. She doesn't write her return address so I just fill it in for her. Though I found out recently that they moved so all these years I have been sending her stuff back to the wrong address. Whatever. My relationship with her is over. And while I still occasionally have little girl fantasies that she will walk away from her Satan husband and want to get to know me, I am wise enough to know that will never happen. It is more likely that I will have a successful career on Broadway or as a rodeo clown than her leaving him on her own accord. Most days I love FB. I love seeing what high school and college friends are up to these days. I love getting to know some of my favorite bloggy pals too. But my maternal parental unit and I will not be commenting on each other's status updates. Not this decade anyway.

Just to clarify, my mother knows that I want nothing to do with her. She's been told to her face, over the phone and in writing by me. Multiple times. Over more than a decade. She has also been told by a variety of other people. I even had a sit down with her therapist my senior year of high school and laid it out there in front of her and the therapist. So the therapist could have a record. She knows. She chooses to ignore. She and her Satan husband are delusional and think that I own them gratitude for taking me on nice vacations. To which I reply, "just because they were expensive does not make them nice." As Countless Luann "sings," money can't buy you class. Her Satan husband thinks he is king of the world and won't hesitate to tell you. Though you would probably like him upon first meeting. He's all sorts of fake charming like that. He is amazingly talented at twisting things and telling false stories and filling heads with made-up information. He is behind most of what she does but I no longer allow that as an excuse. I'm getting off track. My point is, she is fully aware of the situation. She's a very intelligent person who is always in the moment. She knows. She suffers from sever depression but she knows. But I didn't know you could block someone on FB. Thanks for the tip Gracie Beth!


Dr. Blondie said...

KK, we should talk sometime. I have a poor relationship with my mother, too, although the situation is different--she's mentally ill, an undiagnosed Borderline (BPD), but her condition/abuse has really fragmented my whole family and I have minimal contact with most of them now because I've just had to step away for my own health and sanity. I'm so sorry to read a little of what you've been through. Most people do not understand sick family dynamics and the heartbreaking choices that are involved, and how those choices, even though they are for the best, can affect you throughout your life. Thinking of you, friend. Hang in there.
Hugs, Rebecca

Sunshine and Summertime said...

Wow I'm so sorry about that. I am in a similar situation with my dad and his new monster. Stay strong & keep carrying on! :)

mFw said...

I'm so sorry about that, but it sounds like you're approaching it the right way! I would also tighten your privacy settings on FB since she found you.

Susan R said...

Oh my word. Not her again. Is there any way to get the word to her that the day you reconcile with her will be the day hell freezes over? Can't you be upfront with her enough to tell her NO CONTACT, snail mail, electronic, FB, etc...?
Would your daddy communicate this to her on your behalf?
I haven't seen my mother in 11 years and I'm not missing it, so unless you feel you need to, forget about her.

Cindy said...

One word: Boundaries. But you know that--you've wisely set them. So sorry this has to keep coming up for you. Sending a hug.

Thanks for the good wishes on my reunion. Still can't completely believe I'm doing this. :)

Gracie Beth said...

Block her on FB! She will disappear!

Screen Door Prep said...

Although the shoes we're in are a bit different, they are from the same line. ;) I am not currently in touch w/ my father (by choice), & my in-laws haven't bothered to check in on their only grandchild in over a year. Just remember that the people who say "Oh, but it's your [fill in the family member] should forgive&forget. Family blah blah blah..." are obviously fortunate enough not to have had to endure any ugliness in their own families, or at least not to an extent that it actually improves their quality of life to keep them at a distance.

I miss the feature on Facebook where you could keep people from sending you friend requests. Now as long as there's a mutual friend, they can ask all they want. Ugh.

Hang in there, & have a lovely weekend!

Molly said...

I know you have written about this before and many of times I wanted to comment about how strong you are, I wish I was able to break free from the crazy unhealthy relationship I keep getting sucked back into thinking she will be different. You are doing the right thing and I wish I could to, I am so sorry you had to deal with all that growing up.

Kate Spears said...

oh lordy.....i'm new on the scene (hopped over after you commented on my blog....btw your comment about how gg and dw were like satc without the nekkid made me bust a gut). i'm pleased to make your acquaintance, and wish you good things with this whole mama drama situation. family can be the pits. good to meetcha!


Related Posts with Thumbnails