Saturday, July 10, 2010

Its So Hard To Find Friends

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.


I am a very blessed girl in the friend department. Truly! I have the most amazing girlfriends on the planet. But sadly, none of my best girlfriends live in driving distance of me. I've lived here nearly five years and I still do not have a huge circle of friends. I have friends. Even some very dear friends. But my two closest friends are moving. One already moved, actually. Out of state. The other is about to move out of the area. I feel like I am back to square one. It's so stinkin' hard to make best pals up here for some reason. I think because people don't tend to move in and out of the area as much as they did in the other cities I've lived in (DC, Indy, Atlanta). Most of my friends up here were raised here and went to schools close to here and moved right back after graduation. So they have big circles of hometown and even college friends. No one seems to need to make new pals I guess. I volunteer my booty off - so I am in big groups of women. There is no way I can add another volunteer gig to my schedule. I am booked in that arena. And I don't like to play sports (people are always recommending that I join a softball (gag me!) or some other sporty team/group/thingy). But I feel so lost. I am a girl's girl. I very much need my girlfriend time on a very regular basis. Half a decade is a long ass period of time to go without having a local best friend. I seriously cannot even believe it's been that long. I only ever intended to live here one to two years max.

Have any of y'all up and moved to a new, non-major city that didn't offer much in the way of new friend making? And you were single (because it's different if you are married I think)? How did you find good friends? I've tried going to friend meet ups that I found listed on Craigslist but they were strange and just not my crowd. I've tried joining not one but two book clubs, but both fizzled after the first book. I took on a chair role in the League and I do have friends there. But they almost all fall into the "have lived here forever and already have a big group of friends and only make new friends with those living in the burbs (which I do not)" category. Clearly I am doing something wrong. So if you have advice or ideas, please share! I need pals who don't require a plane ticket to see in person.

18 comments:

Susan said...

I know you said you don't like sports, but do you play tennis? I hate to sound too cliche, but that is the best way to meet ladies. Not the softball playin' kind either.
What about the JL? Aren't there a lot of young gals there that you might be able to develope a "good friend" relationship with. Maybe you better think of moving too.
Okay...please give me a huge kick in the pants for this, but how is it that you are not married? You are the sweetest girl, you are ultra talented and you are independant. I so wish I had a brother who was single, or even knew an awesome preppy guy who was single in your area. Okay you can blast me now. Do you hate me?
BTW.....White Fence Farm is not new. It's been around for at least 15 years. It's in an area called Lakewood. You better contact me the next time you come to Colorado. I'll take you to The White Fence Farm.

thepreppytimes.blogspot.com said...

That's sad. I know what you mean. I don't have any friends myself just acquaintances. My wife is my best friend. All of my male friends have moved out of stated. I mean as far away as Seattle. Why friggin' Seattle? So the male bonding thing is nil. All I can say is get involved in girly things. Try wine tasting, golf or a country club. There are plenty of women who would appreciate someone like you. The main thing is to relax you know, and don't try so hard. A real friend will come when you are truly ready. Until then enjoy YOU and everything it means to be you. The rest will be icing.

Pink Maple said...

Oh I completely understand! Although I grew up, went to college, and went to law school within 1 hour of Boston - many of my closest friends have moved out-of-state and it is sometimes very hard to fill the gap when they're gone.

Ashley said...

I agree, it's so hard to make friends as a
"grown up." I am having the same problem myself. Best of luck!

Boys bitches booze said...

my sister just moved to LA from the east coast with only two friends out there. They introduced her to all their friends but she still doesn't feel like she can hang out with those friends without the two original friends. My sister is really shy too so it's even harder, she definitely misses the east coast (as she should). hang in there and just put yourself out there as much as possible!

Boys bitches booze said...

my sister just moved to LA from the east coast with only two friends out there. They introduced her to all their friends but she still doesn't feel like she can hang out with those friends without the two original friends. My sister is really shy too so it's even harder, she definitely misses the east coast (as she should). hang in there and just put yourself out there as much as possible!

Molly said...

I know exactly how you feel and wish I could help because I am in the same boat! Seems like so many people meet friends at work, but it so hard since I work with all guys! Good luck and if you find the answer please share! Meanwhile friends in blog world are here for you! :)

Megan said...

I just found your blog, so I am a newbie follower. It turns out we are sisters in the Greek life way, which I think is super fun. I am getting ready to move across the country in the next 3 weeks and I am going to be the same boat you are currently in. I will know exactly 3 people and 2 of which will be living about 1/2 an hour away :(.

Back to your friend issue, I am planning on joining the local junior circle in my new area, is there an active alumnae club in your area? I hope you are able to find some good girlfriends soon, and you should post any helpful tips along the way.

Squirrels and Pearls,
Megan

Megan said...

I just found your blog, so I am a newbie follower. It turns out we are sisters in the Greek life way, which I think is super fun. I am getting ready to move across the country in the next 3 weeks and I am going to be the same boat you are currently in. I will know exactly 3 people and 2 of which will be living about 1/2 an hour away :(.

Back to your friend issue, I am planning on joining the local junior circle in my new area, is there an active alumnae club in your area? I hope you are able to find some good girlfriends soon, and you should post any helpful tips along the way.

Squirrels and Pearls,
Megan

amanda said...

I'm not sure that I've commented before, but I know that it's at least been a while since I have. This post speaks to me though because I feel your pain. I have had a hard time making friends since I graduated from Grad school. It seems that real life doesn't lend itself to friend making. I'm a member of the JL and have made a few friends that way, but, like you, it seems that they're all already linked up with a core group. I find myself signing up for things I don't even really want to attend because I just want to meet people. I have tried numerous times to convince my husband to move back to Charlotte because it would be so easy. I've figured out a way to find something to do, but finding a friend to call up when things get stressful or just to grab a bite and see a movie, that's a different story.

I'm afraid I don't have a solution, but I do wish you luck. I know it's hard.

Pink and Fabulous said...

I feel the same way about where I live. I started taking my daughter to mommy and me classes and have started meeting some people that way... but I also suggest www.meetups.com... you can start going to groups for something in particular you are interested in and meet similar people!!

Buford Betty said...

Hey girl - oh I miss you! As soon as they figure out how to beam me up there, I'll be your *local* bestie!

But I do hear you... I think it's harder to make new friends once you're out of school and out "on your own." OK I know we've been out of school forever, but you know what I mean. Well and meeting people and making friends is based on totally different circumstances once you're a grown-up.

Since school, my best of friends have been made through work and through church. Mostly through church though now... really small groups from church are where I have met some lifelong friends over the last 5 years or so. And that environment immediately throws you in deep, so it's honestly hard NOT to come away with a new friend or two if you dive right in. Do you have any local churches that do community/small groups?

Love you bestest. xoxo Hugs from down South!

M.L.G. said...

Thanks for your comment!
I know that it must be hard making new connections and friendships in a new small town, but trust that your great personality will attract other great people. "People who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves."
xoxo,
MLG

Stacy said...

I FEEL YOU!! I have been in CLT for 6 years and have dear friends that I adore, but no besties. Most of the folks that I've made friends with are like 10+ years older than me and have their families to be busy with, or they're single and out to mingle. So little old married/new mom me has had a hard time making besties - and I've joined groups, etc. too. So I get it! In fact, that's the number one motivator for our moving back to RDU. My two college besties live there with their families and I am so ready to get back and have my girls around me. It's been lonely, and I'm over it! So sorry you're going through the same thing! Are you totally 100% on staying? Not to say you have to move because I'm moving, but if you're not committed to the area - why stay?

PS - Was that Debbie Downer? Meant to be supportive and not all "MOVE!!" ;)

Jo said...

I just had this same conversation with a good friend back home in MI. I honestly think part of it is location. New England isn't a very friendly area. I was told this before we moved and once we arrived, it became painfully obvious. We have now been here for 8 years and I still don't have a really close friend. In fact, we haven't even met our neighbors that live next door even though we wave each time they drive by. We are just now becoming closer friends with a few other couples but they are originally from this area. I find it’s difficult to meet people that share the same interests and I thought I was a pretty easy going person.
I wish I had some fool proof advice but sadly I don't. Just keep putting yourself out there. Keep your eyes open for opportunities ~ clubs, social gatherings and the like.
You could always move to CA ~ everyone was very friendly there. I'll go with you! :)
Chin up ~ things just seem to happen when you're not trying to make them.

Jo

CRICKET said...

I can so relate! I wish I had advice. I am thinking of signing up for various classes since this is how I met my husband. A gal the other day give me her number at the library... I probably should call and see if she would want to do something. I think it does get harder as you get older whether you are married, single, with children etc.

Miss Wendy said...

I sympathize with you. It is not easy to make friends with "Townies". I had trouble when I first moved here to Tampa. I was lucky to met and become friends with a couple of girls I worked with, then met people in League. I have extended the reach by joining social networking groups for entrepreneurial women. Most work by themselves and having a monthly get together with like minded women helps to stay connected.
Maybe there are similar groups in your area?

Beth Dunn said...

I think it is hard too! When I moved here I got involved in the Mother's clubs and charity work and eventually met people
xoxo
SC

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