Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Learning To Let Go

For years, I have had my hand in the proverbial cookie jars of several branches of one of my volunteer gigs.  Out of necessity, I was juggling a solid 942 balls in the air.  And not very well, I might add. 

But over the last year or so, more hands have come into the picture.  For a variety of reasons.  And slowly but surely, a few of those heavy balls have been passed on, at least in part, to other very capable volunteers.  The more time that passes though, the less "in part" and the more "in whole" the pass-off becomes.  As it should be. 

Here's the glitch. 

When you pour yourself into all of these projects (or er...cookie jars or balls or whatever we are now calling them), even if at first it was not by my own choosing, it's hard to just up and let them go.  I know they are in the hands of amazing people.  Folks with more talent and time and creativity.  But still, it's hard to just let them go.  It's hard to not micromanage from the sidelines.  Not weigh in on every email or discussion.  Not demand that things go my way.

Because I really do know that my way is not the only way.  Honestly, I get that. 

I am really pushing myself here, girls.  I am letting go of things.  Or if I am being more honest, I am faking letting go.  Assuming that the real letting go will happen in time when my heart realizes that I am better for all the incredible help taking over. 

It's not easy.  Like, at all.  And I am not even remotely close to being any sort of Type A personality.  But it's my current season of growth.  I think it's good to realize that change needs to take place and then to actually work on those changes in yourself. 

Last year I worked on being more open.  In a variety of aspects of my life, including my blog.  I personally think I accomplished this goal.  Though I have no idea if anyone else would agree- ha. 

I forever try and fail at New Year's resolutions (though this year I am slated to accomplish a good bit of mine for a change).  I think most changes come to us more organically.  An acknowledgement in a particular moment that xyz needs to happen.  Changes evolve over time.  Not at the stroke of midnight on January 01.

At some point in the last few months, I noted that I needed to let go emotionally.  I needed to be grateful for the help.  I am truly grateful.  And...I am pretending to let go. 

I'm a work in progress.  But at least I am working on improving.  That's something, right?


Michelle said...

I soooooooo understand your thought and ponderings on this subject. I have made a big decision to let go of my JL stuff because I just don't have time with other volunteer things to which I am committed. I was really struggling with trying to figure out a way to do less but still be there but finally had to just lay it down and realize there is a season for everything and this season doesn't for for all.

I am behind on blog reading as I took a semi bloggy summer break but can't wait to catch up! (((hugs)))

Anonymous said...

I got an intern this summer and can completely appreciate "faking letting go". It wasn't that I didn't have confidence in my intern but I was so invested in things that I had to make such an effort to step back. I'm working on curbing my "fix it" response as part of letting go - less at work and more at one of my volunteer gigs.


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