Monday, May 5, 2008

It's The American Way!

Excuse me, Barack Obama, might I have a word with you? Now, we agree on many big and important issues. And we disagree on a few too. But I would like to discuss one specific topic this evening. You commented that the proposed gas tax summer holiday plan is a gimmick that you are unwilling to support. And to that I can only reply, "duh!" (Said with all the cadence of a nine year old!) You are aware that you are currently applying for the job as President of the USA, right? This country is all about the gimmick! It's in our roots. Macy's doesn't have a "white sale" just for giggles. We Americans LOVE sales. We love a deal. Buy three tires, get the fourth free. Buy one giant loaf of bread and get a second equally giant loaf for free. Spend $100 and get a gift card for $25 store bucks. I cannot tell you how many times I went to TJ Max and Marshalls looking for a bargain priced Lilly polo. I rarely buy from the internet without a free shipping code. In high school I only wore Clinique make-up and would ONLY buy it when they were offering a free gift with purchase. Which is dumb because I rarely liked more than one item in said free gift. But we Americans love a bonus with our purchase. We wait all season for sales. We take time off of work and our lives to go to Vera Bradley and Lilly sales. Americans love us a good gimmick, Barack! Heck, every politician should know that better than everyone else. Y'all are saying, vote for me and I will give you XYZ. But you won't. You can't. No politician ever follows through on every single promise. I don't mean that to be rude. It just is. So quit being a twit and trying to take away my gas tax summer holiday. Because I also love holidays. And any holiday that will "save" me @$28 is a holiday I love!

Oh sure, no one is going to invest that money to better their lives somehow. But let me enlighten you on what $28 buy for a regular citizen.
* A man's haircut.
* A polo shirt from a discount retailer.
* More gas.
* A large bag of puppy food.
* Half of a cell phone bill.
* A lot of Diet Coke (or insert your bubbly drug of choice).
* Pizza and a movie rental for a girl's night in.
* At least two pair of new shoes from my favorite cheap shoe obsession, Payless.
* A round of margaritas at happy hour.
* Organic produce like the yummy summer corn and strawberries that will pop up at the farmer's market shortly.
* Some new summer Cd's.
* A few pilates classes.
* Dinner and a movie ticket for Sex and the City.
* Entrance fee for a 5K charity run.
* Many bottles of wine at Trader Joes (You know- for those of you who actually have one near you. Sense my bitterness?!)
* Books and trashy magazines for the road trip one might take with their less expensive tank of gas.
* And on, and on, and on....

Welcome to America. Land of the free. Land of the brave. Land of the free gift with purchase!!

Glad we had this little chat. I feel better and am sure you do too. Best of luck on the campaign trail. Say hello to my girl, Hil! And give me my gimmick! Thanks!!


Cas said...

Oh funny and well said!

Readings, Recipes and Rambles said...

You are an absolute riot!!!!!!!!!!

Preppy Mama said...

You made me laugh. This is so totally true!!!

duchess said...

Very well said (even though I don't really care what Barack does).
Let us know if you find any good online gimmicks.

Lara Ziobro said...

I just love this post. You tell him! :)

Buford Betty said...

Hahaha - too cute. Yes we are all such suckers for "deals" aren't we?

Tippy said...

Pretty funny!

cancersucks said...

You go girl! When Obama's camp called here during the primaries I had a long chat with the guy on the phone. I think he thought I was a little kooky, but nonetheless said that he appreciated my opinions. You never about free gas fill up for every bag purchased at the Lilly warehouse sale?

Linda S said...

Yep! Nuf said...

Melly said...

Couldn't have said it better myself. I guess he's never stumbled upon a Vineyard Vines skirt on the clearance rack in Marshall's for $5 and experienced the adrenaline rush and pure high from the "great deal." How sad...BTW, I'm tagging you with the Six Quirky Things meme. Visit my blog for the scoop.

The Pink Owl said...

I'm new to your blog, but I just had to say a really loud AMEN to your post. Bring on the gimmicks!

CashmereLibrarian said...

Funny! I'm still an Obama girl, but I see your point!

alanna said...

oh my gosh, that was HILARIOUS


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