Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Mel Gibson Isn't A Good Voice Of Reason

Dear Charlie Sheen,

When Mel Gibson becomes a voice of reason in your life, things probably aren't healing as miraculously as you are imagining. 

Not a fan,

Dear Anne Hathaway,  

OK so I am a BIG fan!  I think you are adorable, down to earth and classy.  I'd totally go out to lunch with you.  And be friends.  You also have a surprisingly great voice.  I suggest a stint on Broadway.  However, I do not suggest hosting another awards show.  Because you are not very funny.  I mean, you are probably a hoot at lunch with girlfriends.  But notsomuch as an awards show host.  You made an already dry and boring show extra dry and super extra boring.  With a touch of annoying every time you would scream "woooo" when someone won anything.  Again, you're a doll and I remain a big BIG fan.  But take this from a friend, stand-up comedy is not your thing. 

Can't win 'em all,

Dear James Franco,

I have no earthly idea who you are.  You were nominated for a big award and yet I don't think I've ever heard of you.  But this I know for sure, you are less funny than Anne.  The bit with you dressed in a dress was just plain dumb.

What was your name again,

Dear Jennifer Hudson,

I tend to find you a little annoying most of the time. And I am in the minority when I say that you are not a good actress.  But you looked AMAZING at the Oscars.  That dress was stunning.  That blood orange color was drool-worthy.  Your body is fabulous!  You seemed poised and well-spoken.  You were truly glowing.  Maybe I was wrong about you...

Orange you glad I can give you a second chance,

Dear Brittany Spears,

Good for your for (sort of- under the forced control of your father) getting your life back together.  From all accounts, you seem to be back in the earning a gazillion dollars a minute category.  So why on earth are you still dressing like a hooker?  No one should ever wear jorts.  As in jean shorts.  No one should ever wear cut offs.  And good golly no one should ever combine the two.  I don't mean no one over a particular age.  I mean no person of any age or social standing.  Put some clothes on, sugar.  Dress like a momma.  And as always, buy a hair brush. 

Put down the Starbucks and pick up the Talbots catalog,

Dear Sun,

Please shine down on me.  Florida is so damn greedy, bragging about being the "sunshine state."  I want in on that action.  Send a little love to Upstate NY por favor!!

Gloomy be gone,


Suburban Princess said...

LOL What a great laugh!!

I have no idea what everyone is so gaga for James Franco either...I heard he was in 127Hours which I had no interest in seeing.

I have always thought the same thing about Britney - with all her money she could do something with her hair. Jeez I am a mom without full time help and still manage to go out looking better than her!

Unknown said...

Love this.

JMW said...

Agree on all accounts - too funny!

MCW said...

When Jennifer Hudson was on stage I thought she was drunk. It was like she could barely read the teleprompter.

And Anne? I liked her before...but after the Oscars I think she is a dingbat!

The enchanted home said...

This is such a riot..LOVED it! You were spot on except for Jennifer hudsons dress, I didn't like it one bit, hated the color, the plunging tacky neckline and the "bigness" of it all..that said she DOES look amazing and her body..WOW! Sooo agreed with you about Anne, James..James who?, and Britney...tooooo funny!!!
Thanks for the laugh..I really needed this, just got off the phone with marble yard who stunned me with his quotes, so I was about to cry..but I prefer the laugh so me reading this was quite timely:)

Princess Freckles said...

Lol. You are so right!

Unknown said...

Dear KK,
And if you figure out who James Franco is, let us know....we ALL want to know!
A Big Fan,
Lulu and Daisy

JulesTX said...

Great post ! I loved the line "put down the Starbucks and pick up the Talbots" - LOL

Editor of The Dandy American said...

That's funnnnnnny. The only thing I can say is that Charlie Sheen in all his pompousness, is a hot mess.

Sprinkle said...

That's hilarious! So glad I dropped by!


Lisalulu said...

wow I'm thinkin' you should write for the newspaper.. you could be the movie critic: movies that won or didn't win!! agreed on all accounts, Anne, James (he was in spiderman), Jennifer, and britneybritneybritney get a hairbrush or are you lazy?

Peachy Keen said...

Too funny!

Anonymous said...

Dear Miss Crocodile,

Please continue writing these posts whenever inclined, they make me laugh. A lot. IN fact, I may have snorted.

That is all.

Mrs. Kindergarten...aka...Madame Spoiled said...

I love your charm and wittttttt!
Had to even read this post to my Mama, she rolled laughing!

Mrs. Kindergarten

Sara said...

Love. Simply love every single one.


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