Talkin' Trash

Trashy TV, that is! I can't believe I've waited this long to gossip about our favorite loons in NY and NJ. Oh we have so much to talk about. I'm not thrilled that RHNY and RHNJ are overlapping. I don't watch the OC and Atlanta (they are both just too much for me- give me a headache- and that's saying a lot considering the crap that's going down in the Northeast this year!) and miss my crazy girls in NY and NJ.

But let's start with the Real Housewives of New York. My first loves. Woa nelly! They are all off their rockers this year. Let's go back to season one. Waaaay back then I loved Jill and Bethenny because they told it like it was and they made me laugh my ass off. They both went too far but they made me laugh all the same. Alex and Ramona were my least favorites. They both bugged me for different reasons. And Luann was sort of in the middle. I never would have classified her as "classy" but I didn't hate her either.

Fast forward to this season. I absolutely cannot stand Luann. She is just beyond tacky and fake. Phony bologna is a better title than Countess if you ask me. I actually felt this way last season but it's confirmed big time now. Oh and if I see that gong necklace around her neck one more time I might scream. But she seems to have a lot of people kissing her bologna butt because everyone is all countess this and countess that and I can only call you countess. Gag me. And her "music?!" I saw her on Andy Cohen's show and she was proud as the sky is high about her record contract. How does she not get that she is the "royal" version of William Hung (That's his name right? That guy who had a terrible voice but tried out for American Idol years ago...)? She must really be hard up for friends because she is attached to Jill's behind this season and it's just icky. That scene a few weeks ago with the two of them in their silk nighties in bed. Weird. Who dresses up in lingerie for a best girlfriend? Ugh...she is just so two-faced and it annoys me to no end.

Jill. I used to really get a kick out of her. But her true colors have really shown through this year. She really is a mean girl. She's like the head mean girl and Luann is like second in command under Jill and Kelly is the dippy third wheel. But Jill and Luann seem to get a high from being nasty. It's sick. I used to know someone like Jill who sort of kept tabs on what she did for you. And would tell everyone on the planet. I knew all about how she "selflessly helped" her "very best friend" in ridiculous detail. But it all came with a price because there was this unwritten contract that you owed her your life in return. Nothing was just because that's what friends do for each other. Everything had a price. That's Jill. Think back over the three seasons and you'll notice she is that way with everyone. They all "owe" her something. She's totally two-faced too. She and Luann love to tell everyone how much better they are than everyone else. Jill also loves to tell you how much money she spends. That actually grosses me out most. I think it's clear she regrets what she did to contribute to the Bethenny situation but I think it speaks volumes that Bethenny continues to say she is just over the situation and has no plans to make up as good friends ever. Mean girls never win at the end of the day (or season as the case might be).

Kelly. Never liked her. Still don't. She needs inpatient therapy. Like a 90 day program. At least. I can't wait to see her explain how Bethenny is trying to kill her next week. Kelly brings the crazy like nobody's business. And the Great Gummy Bear Debate of 2010 will have me laughing for years. Come on...that's just funny shit!

Ramona. I used to cringe when she came on screen. And she's still a loon. But she has a softer side and makes me laugh. I think it's awesome that she is renewing her vows at the 17 year mark. I like quirk. Why is 15 or 20 years better than 17 (Jill!)? It's not. I dig it. And I love her short hair. That might contribute to me liking her this year in a strange way. It makes her look more regular and to that I can relate. And how hilarious is it that she and Bethenny and Alex are now good pals? We never could have seen that coming two seasons ago. The boat trip looks fabulous and I so wish I was there instead of Kelly. I never fight or scream or act wacko.

Sonja. I didn't think I would like her at first. Girl loves to talk about sex. But she's growing on me. She (so far) seems to be a genuinely nice person. And her home is awesome! I'm curious to see how she fits in as its clear that every cast member must decide if she is a Blood or Crip.

Bethenny. Still my favorite. She has the best one liners. And I think she got the short end of the stick from her friendship with Jill. She's said some inappropriate things but she always recognizes them and apologizes. I respect that. And she was so right to call Luann a snake. She is. I can't wait to watch her new solo show too.

Alex. She was once my very least favorite and now I sort of think she is closing in on Bethenny. Can you believe that? I can't! She does her hair now. So that alone is a big change from season one. She doesn't seem to be all "my kids are geniuses" and that's nice too. Basically she and Ramona seem more like regular women instead of ladies in expensive dresses who can't come to the party because their heads are too big to fit through the door. It's refreshing. Simon still gives me the heeby jeebies though. But he's not on all that often so I'm dealing with it.

What is bothering me this season is that it is turning into RHOC. The reason I stopped watching that hot mess of a show is because they yell and scream and fight and act like damn fools all the time. I think the preschoolers I used to teach at Sunday School had better manners than the OC women. I really hope that things calm down in NYC because I find myself holding the remote control to click away when the fight like buffoons. Which means lately I am missing at least half of the show.




Now the NJ ladies. Who fight less and are quickly becoming my favorite Housewives show. They are all hilarious. Well except for our favorite ex-con, Danielle. She is just beyond gross. I don't even have words. The extra seats when she knew Jacqueline and Dina weren't coming? WTH? And having a luncheon for your daughter when she is in school and cannot attend? WTH? She just makes no sense at all to me. Who is the father of her children and what kind of person is he that Danielle gets majority custody? So many unanswerable questions! I sort of want to move to New Jersey and get my hair done at what seems to be the one and only hair salon in the entire state to get to know Jacqueline, Dina and Teresa. Clearly Aquanet has cornered a special market in NJ- they have some BIG hair over there! Caroline still scares me.

And that brings us to now. Whew, that was way shorter than I thought it would be. It's a crazy two hours of television for sure. Trash-tastic television that makes me cringe and laugh all at the same time. I'm so curious to know what y'all think so far this season... Does anyone out there really like Danielle or Kelly?