Kelly Killoren Bensimon

Dear Kelly,

Your behavior is unconscionable. It reached all time low this week. It has taken me until now to even find the words to blog about it. After watching your train-wreck of an episode, I was awake in bed for hours. It was just that disturbing. Clearly you are a few fry fries short of a Happy Meal!

When Bethenny said to the other women, "I told you so," I very much felt her relief. I too saw from your first episode that you were just not right. I really felt like you were on drugs to be perfectly frank. And I'm not sure that's untrue. But now I am convinced that you had something incredibly awful happen to you during your childhood in the 70's. I have no idea if it was abuse of some sort or just parents who insisted you never show emotion or what, but I think there is something much more sinister happening inside of you. And for that I am so sorry. But that is no excuse for your behavior now or any other time.

Ramona put together an amazing vacation. Now I have no doubt that it was paid for by advertisers, but she still took the time to put it together and plan every fabulous detail. The food, accommodations, sights, and more were truly remarkable. You were rude nearly from the get-go. You seem unable (by choice mind you) to get along for the sake of getting along. And you love to put others down in an effort to build yourself up. Which is obviously why you bonded with Jill and Luann as they too love that life tactic. But watch out....that tends to bite one in the butt eventually. And it is a miserable character trait to possess. If you can't behave in the company of four, how to you plan to manage yourself in the company of more than four?

So many things you say and do make zero sense. No processed foods but jellybeans and lollipops are OK because they are fun. Lemonade to lemons. Bethenny trying to kill you. Presents are bad. Ramona and Bethenny tongue kissing. Talking on your phone in the middle of company when you have an entire house and property to carry on a private conversation. Telling everyone, including your generous hostess, to "zip it." Telling everyone that they are not allowed to have feelings and that feelings are so 1979. Screaming crazy and then skipping back to the table with candy (or should I say "candy" wink wink?). Oh honey, you bring the crazy like no other! And not just now. All last season too. And lest you try the "editing" excuse, you also brought the crazy at last season's reunion show. Own it. You said those words. Your body skipped about. Your face made those expressions. You can't edit a new face, my love.

I sincerely hope two things. The first is entirely selfish on my part but I do believe it will be in the best interest of both you and me. Please do not come back on this or any other TV show (or movie or any other media outlet) ever again. Not just next year. Never. Walk away and live a quiet life. That way I can continue watching the show (because I promise you Bravo TV, I will not watch if she is on the show beyond this season!) and you don't have to make things worse for your public image. An image your created. Oh and this is a side note but I absolutely cannot stand when public figures (celebs, politicians, anyone who chooses to be in the public eye) get all huffy puffy defensive when things turn south. I didn't hear you complain about people judging you when they were raving about your movie, politics, TV show, opinions, etc. I didn't hear you complain when people said you were so nice or beautiful or professional. But when you hear people say you were not good or not nice or brought the crazy, you play the "don't judge me" card. That's just crap. I didn't sign up to be on a show. You did. You wanted people to judge you. Oh sure, you wanted them to love you and want to be you. But you still desired judgement. The hard thing is when you realize that you cannot control the way people digest what you say and do. It ain't purdy, is it?

My second hope for you Kelly, former wife of Gilles Bensimon (Holy who cares. She says that every other episode. The only reason I know his name is because she says it all the time. He can't be that great if y'all are no longer married and you have custody of your kids. As the runner up for Crazy of the Year would spout, just sayin'.) is that you get intensive professional help. And I mean in the form of a team of actual doctors who passed their medical boards and can prescribe drugs. Not someone who will read tarot cards or wave herbs around your house. Not that those are bad. I guess. For some people. But you need serious assistance. With all sincerity, I believe you need in-patient therapies. You have absolutely no sense of reality. Forget about your lack of manners and such. You don't seem to know which way is up. You can't put words together. And then of course, you have a deep-seeded fear of feeling anything. This episode took place months ago. I'm so hoping that you will come on the reunion show to tell everyone that you have been in a hospital or a Promises type place that the celebs seem to pink puffy heart these days. I hope you say you are on a weekend leave to tape the show with doctors standing by. And I hope you have made enough progress to sincerely tell Alex, Bethenny and Sonja you are sorry for the things you said and did. And to grovel at Ramona's feet for behaving that way when she was so kind to host you for the week.

Sugar, please get yourself the help that you so desperately need. If not for me (because truth be told, I've never liked watching you) or yourself, do it for your beautiful daughters. Quit lying (oooh child, you lie a LOT!) and quit acting rude and ungrateful and unkind and strange. Get help and then go live a quiet life with daughters who are encouraged to express their emotions in healthy ways.

Sincerely,
KK