Monster Monday

Did anyone else watch Oprah today? I don't know why I thought to watch it, but I did and OMG did it ever hit home. Monique's (newly crowned Oscar winner) family, minus Monique, were on Oprah. You know it's going to be shady when the main person refuses to participate. I know very little about Monique and have not seen her in any movies (in my defense, I average at best one movie a year) and have no idea if she actually has a last name. But apparently in an interview pre-Oscars, she told Babs that her brother used to molest her as a child. So said brother was on the big O today. And admitted what he did. For the first time ever. But he was all kinds of smug about it. Making excuses and claiming that apologizing on Oprah (rather than to Monique's face) should be enough to get them back to being "normal brother and sister." Then her other brother was all about saying that Monique should be grateful because molester brother was a good guy other than the years of abuse and they seemed to get along fine. Then the dad jumped in on that game too.

I was sick! Clearly they have other family issues brewing there, but I just could not believe all those people were standing up for the admitted child molester and basically saying Monique should get over it. And then I realized that I can in fact believe that. I've been there. I live in that world all the time. People who actually witnessed some of the abuse that happened to me as a child, act that way towards me too. Once I was in college and officially an adult, something changed in people. All of a sudden these practically family members were telling me I needed to just get over it and accept things for the sake of my mother. Defending her. Condemning me. Acknowledging what went on but saying I needed to just live with it because she is my mother. And don't get me started on what my mother says. I have countless letters saying I needed to apologize to her and her husband (my child abusers) because they took me on nice vacations. Going to a nice place with your abuser is not a nice vacation. It's hell in a foreign country without a way to at least call anyone.

The whole bit about molester brother saying sorry on Oprah being enough to just move past it grossed me out. It's not enough. It might never be enough for her. And he has no right to say what is enough. It took him 30 years and a sister talking about it on an Oscar special to admit what he did. 30 years is a hell of a long time for someone to swallow that pain. I am so blessed to have my dad always loving and supporting me. I cannot imagine having no family members choosing you. And yes, things like this require a choice. It's messy. That's reality though. Those family members chose molester brother over abused Monique. And that alone makes me want to be Monique's best friend. I can relate to much of that. And I understand how people saying "get over it" hurts twice as much as the actual abuse. It's a slap in the face and someone saying you deserved it. It's miserable. Clearly, this show hit home today and I am livid. Mad at my own people and mad at these complete strangers. I will never understand how people justify choosing the abuser over the abused. Never.