Monday, April 19, 2010

Monster Monday

Did anyone else watch Oprah today? I don't know why I thought to watch it, but I did and OMG did it ever hit home. Monique's (newly crowned Oscar winner) family, minus Monique, were on Oprah. You know it's going to be shady when the main person refuses to participate. I know very little about Monique and have not seen her in any movies (in my defense, I average at best one movie a year) and have no idea if she actually has a last name. But apparently in an interview pre-Oscars, she told Babs that her brother used to molest her as a child. So said brother was on the big O today. And admitted what he did. For the first time ever. But he was all kinds of smug about it. Making excuses and claiming that apologizing on Oprah (rather than to Monique's face) should be enough to get them back to being "normal brother and sister." Then her other brother was all about saying that Monique should be grateful because molester brother was a good guy other than the years of abuse and they seemed to get along fine. Then the dad jumped in on that game too.

I was sick! Clearly they have other family issues brewing there, but I just could not believe all those people were standing up for the admitted child molester and basically saying Monique should get over it. And then I realized that I can in fact believe that. I've been there. I live in that world all the time. People who actually witnessed some of the abuse that happened to me as a child, act that way towards me too. Once I was in college and officially an adult, something changed in people. All of a sudden these practically family members were telling me I needed to just get over it and accept things for the sake of my mother. Defending her. Condemning me. Acknowledging what went on but saying I needed to just live with it because she is my mother. And don't get me started on what my mother says. I have countless letters saying I needed to apologize to her and her husband (my child abusers) because they took me on nice vacations. Going to a nice place with your abuser is not a nice vacation. It's hell in a foreign country without a way to at least call anyone.

The whole bit about molester brother saying sorry on Oprah being enough to just move past it grossed me out. It's not enough. It might never be enough for her. And he has no right to say what is enough. It took him 30 years and a sister talking about it on an Oscar special to admit what he did. 30 years is a hell of a long time for someone to swallow that pain. I am so blessed to have my dad always loving and supporting me. I cannot imagine having no family members choosing you. And yes, things like this require a choice. It's messy. That's reality though. Those family members chose molester brother over abused Monique. And that alone makes me want to be Monique's best friend. I can relate to much of that. And I understand how people saying "get over it" hurts twice as much as the actual abuse. It's a slap in the face and someone saying you deserved it. It's miserable. Clearly, this show hit home today and I am livid. Mad at my own people and mad at these complete strangers. I will never understand how people justify choosing the abuser over the abused. Never.

8 comments:

Katiellirb said...

I was shocked myself, but more to the point: Good for you!! You were the victim; your mother and step-father the abusers. NO WORDS will change that nor should they. What has happened to our society where abusing an innocent child (as all children are) can be erased? In my mind, only a monster can do such a thing.

Susan said...

I didn't see the show today.
Don't you hate when people say, "time heals all wounds"? NO! time does NOTHING to heal ANYTHING. Without the proper support and help, time just drags the hurt and pain out longer.

Preppy in Pink said...

Girl,YES! I am so tired of get over it I have pretty much cut myself off from my entire extended family. Fortunately the hubs is a love and that alone tides me over. What I don't understand is, What was Oprah thinking? What a horrible thing to broadcast, especially about another black woman. Geez.

Henley on the Horn said...

I am proud of you for this post!!! I can't imagine the pain you have been through. Good for you for standing up for the innocent. Oprah really should not have let the show continue. Good ratings are not worth hurting someone (Monique) by allowing her abuser to say it was okay and that things are good now. Things will never be normal. What he did was WRONG. I am praying for you to continue to have strength !!!

Sherrie said...

I'm so sorry that the show brought up bad memeories from your childhood. No child should ever have to go through that.

Beth Dunn said...

That was a hard show to watch. I couldn't make it to the end. I'm surprised O would want to do that. xoxo
SC

USCEmily said...

I didn't see the show, but reading what Monique's brothers and father said about the situation really angers me. It's as if they think what was done to her is somehow justified or, if not justified, totally okay just because they said they were sorry.

I don't think abuse- physical, sexual, or mental- is ever called for. There are much more productive ways to channel your anger. And for the victim of such abuse, the only thing they should receive is compassion, not someone saying to buck up and get over it.

Having never been abused, I don't know how I'd handle it, but I do know that if someone told me to just get over it and move on, I'd be livid. It's not someone's place to tell another person who has been in that situation how they should handle it, especially if they have never dealt with such a thing.

Thank you for posting this and making people aware that if they know someone who has been abused, they should be more caring towards the person's feelings.

Stacy said...

I did watch, and I was disappointed that Oprah even had hinm on the show. It seems so obvious that he's only coming out now to a) clear his name (with a bunch of excuses) and b) get some of Monique's recent limelight. And yes, why did he have to wait until now to apologize? And in a public forum? If she won't see you, write a letter. Also, it felt like his "I'm sorry" was really to make him feel better rather than really apologizing to his sister. And why the hell was their family there supporting him? I can't imagine the position his parents were put in having to deal with this between your 2 children, but I can't also imagine then reaccepting him back into my home a mere 2 weeks after learning of the abuse. WTF? I was shocked by the family's acceptance and "move on" attitude - as if they wanted to paint Monique as the bad person because they don't have a relationship with her. Well hello, wonder why?!

On a side note, I am a little miffed with Oprah lately. She seems to have gotten much more sensationalist in the last few years. Case in point, Rielle Hunter today. What did that interview tell me that I didn't already read (and be disgusted by) in the GQ interview? And why is she so easy on the guests? I mean, Rielle said so many contradictory things and she just really let it slide. If you're there to do an interview, call her out on BS. My respect for the O has really decreased in the last few years.

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