Thursday, January 29, 2009

Beep Beep

If we can send a man (or woman) to the moon, combine broccoli and asparagus and make it quite tasty, and witness Brittney Spears come back from brink of doom and gloom, then why can't they make my car horn have a variety of beeps. What am I talking about? I mean, sometimes a regular beep beep, toot toot is insufficient. Sometimes I need something that specifically states the thing I am trying to tell the other car. Here are a few I would use frequently....

*Beep Beep. That is not a parking space. It's a road. And you are blocking it. Move your stinkin' car!

*Toot Toot. I don't care if your wife/daughter/friend/boyfriend/neighbor is in Walmart/Grocery Store/Marshalls/Target. You cannot just sit in your car in front the store. You are blocking car traffic. And pedestrian traffic. And you are really ticking me off. Move your stinkin' car!

*Beep Beep. I'm not trying to scare you by waving my arms and shaking my hands. That's my car to car sign language for "you forgot to turn on your headlights." You're welcome. It happens to all of us once in a while.

*Toot Toot. Please turn your music down. It cannot be healthy to listen to it that loudly. I mean, your windows are up, my windows are up and I have my radio on. I can still clearly hear your music though. Too loud sugar!

*Beep Beep. Do you see that red light? Yeah, red means stop buddy!

*Toot Toot. Do you see that green light? It's my turn to go, not yours!

*Beep Beep. Do you see how the street is flanked by a sidewalk on either side? That's where you and your children and your dog and your baby stroller should be standing/walking/hanging out. Do you see the road? Look down, yes that road, where you are standing/walking/hanging out. Do you see my car and the other cars? The big hunks of metal with four wheels? Roads are for cars. I know, tricky. Now you know.

*Toot Toot. Just because you left your car running with your emergency lights blinking does not make it legal to park in the middle of the street and in front of a fire hydrant while your run in to shop/visit with friends/pick up food/or anything else.

*Beep Beep. Up here it's legal to turn left on red if the street is one way. So um, please turn. No one is coming and I have things to do today.

*Toot Toot. You are so rude to leave your shopping buggy in the middle of the parking space/lot!! Rude, rude, rude!! Be a peach and just return your buggy to the cart station like the rest of us.

Just to name a few.... I am actually not a road rage kind of person. When I get huffy it usually sounds like "oooh you mean blue car!" But the above list are things I run across frequently. My regular honk just doesn't seem to get my point across sufficiently. I'd like some pre-recorded honks please! I'm pretty sure the world would be a happier place.

17 comments:

The Wife said...

One of my biggest pet peeves is people who leave their shopping carts in parking lots! I can't stand it. Drives me bananas.

Gracie Beth said...

My car horn committed suicide. My dad said it was due to over-use :)

SAS said...

I am pretty bad at road rage. These cracked me up!

Peace, L♥ve, Applesauce said...

Love this this!
I could not ageee more!
I mean, seriously, would it KILL THEM to walk the extra 6 feet to return their cart/buggy? I think not!

Kappa Prep said...

I feel your pain! Somone needs to take horns to the next level! I would all like a: beep beep, you are texting and in MY lane!

pocket full of pink said...

Love your blog!!

Rachel H. said...

I agree with this! And I agree with leaving shopping carts in parking lots. One time one hit my brand new car, and I was SO mad!

Stefanie said...

I could not agree with you more!

A.D. said...

I think my steering wheel is kind of worn where I use the horn so much! My husband is worse than me, and he is one of those people that just holds the horn down until he feels he has gotten the point across. It's very embarassing!

P.S. I just gave you an award :)!

Europafox said...

This is hilarious! I wish I was Italian, then i'd beep it all the time, but people don't use their horns AT ALL here unless it is a dire situation. I think we could all do with a little toot toting every now and then! :)) IVE TAGGED YOU IN A POST by the way!!

adozeneggs said...

sometimes I wish my Mini Cooper had the horn of a cruise ship or a giant 18 wheeler!

thepreppyprincess said...

This is great Miss PPC, too funny! And too perfect as well.

We have always asked why we couldn't just have a loudspeaker mounted to the grille or front hood of the PrincessMobile, just so we could help people out with their driving. It would be help. Really.

In a manner of speaking.

Hope your week to come is wonderful!
tp

Kate said...

You are too funny. I totally agree though-they need additional options!

Colleen said...

These are hysterical!!!!! I'm with "The Wife" put that shopping cart back where it belongs!!!!
I admit to not being a horn blower but I'm Italian so I use a lot of sign language.

CeCe said...

My sister has said this for years! I agree. You need a different friendly beep for "Hi There!" and a completely different beep for "WTF??!!" situations.

pocket full of pink said...

Your blog is so stink'n cute!

Sara♥ said...

I love it! I just found your blog, and this is a right on post! Thanks!

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