Last night I was walking down my stairs, ready to go to a girlfriend's Pampered Chef party. Not really my favorite type of party but I was happy to get out and see some girls for the evening. And not that it matters but I looked pretty darn cute. Cute sundress, pink monogrammed Bonannos, good make up day and great hair day. Girls, we all know that stars must align for all those things to happen on the same day. Anyway, so I'm walking down my back deck staircase, or the first two steps, when something terrible happened. I fell. Down about 10 stairs. I have replayed that moment over and over and over in my head and I still cannot figure out what went wrong. The Bonannos are not new so they are not overly slippy on the bottom or anything. I was holding on to the railing because I am a wee bit paranoid that I will fall. I've done it in the winter before on the black ice. Actually I fell a few years ago down my front staircase too but I only fell down 2 or 3 steps. OK, reading this I am apparently a closeted klutz! I didn't even realize it until now. Learn something new every day, I suppose.

But I have to tell you that few things hurt as badly as my fall last night. I somehow caught myself with my left arm (the one holding the railing) and then my entire right side. Right thigh, right booty, right back and right arm. My right shoulder/arm had to be propped up all night and my back/booty situation is a hot mess. I am uncomfortable sitting, standing, leaning, laying on my tummy, sides and back. So it's pretty much totally awesome! Oh and I have this ginormous black and blue bump on my right bum/back. It sort of looks like I have three bums. I know, I'm so crass. But it is what it is folks. It ain't purdy, that's for darn sure! Oh and I have gashes on the back of both my ankles that make it sort of painful to move my feet. I think they will heel pretty quickly though. Not that it matters considering it hurts to move most of my body anyway.

Honestly I am incredibly lucky. I only fell down half of the stairs and it is a much longer than typical staircase. And I landed on my backside. Oh sure, it hurts like hell at the moment but at least no one can see my purple hunchback thing I have going on. It would be another story altogether if it was on my face! I didn't break or even sprain anything. Just bruised and scratched. In the grand scheme of things, I am a lucky duck. Who happens to be in a good deal of pain as she can't find even one comfortable position at the moment. Ouch!

Thankfully Bethenny was on TV to entertain me for one last show of the season (am I the only one super sad to see this show go off air? I could watch that crew daily- I laugh my purple ass off!). What the heck? There is a job titled "stroller specialist?!!" Two of them came to teach Bethenny and Jason about their stroller purchase. This cannot be a real job. Only in Manhattan. I don't have a kid but I am thinking this might be my calling in life. Or is it like calling yourself a "consultant" (HUGE pet peeve of mine when someone just says they "do consulting" and purposely don't include what filed they do this magical consulting in!!) and you can just add "specialist" being any sort of anything. I could do consulting in all sorts of specialities like cookie dough, fruit pies, flip flops, grosgrain ribbon, procrastination, kitchen counter cleaning (another pet peeve- any sort of anything sticky or messy or crumby anything on kitchen counters), and a million other important niche areas. Stroller specialist....this seriously cannot be a real thing!