I made bread again. I actually make bread all the time. It's inexpensive, easy, creative and delicious! And makes a great hostess gift. I thought my wrapping was particularly fabulous this week as I wrapped up a freshly baked loaf for a neighbor who kindly hosted a dinner for friends. I cut a cheap piece of fabric, didn't use a ruler or anything, as the wrapping material. I say that to point out that anyone can use this wrapping technique. Just eye-ball it. Straight edges are not necessary. Check out the dollar fabric in Walmart sometime. You might not want them for sewing projects, but they make great (and CHEAP!) gift wrap. I do advise washing them first- just toss them in the regular wash and dry cycle with your laundry- so no funky chemicals get on your baked goods or gifts. Add a big grosgrain ribbon bow and call it a gift!






As I was walking out the door to dinner, this is what Sadie Kate was doing. Pouting in the leather chair. Woe is her. Life is so hard for a puppy and she felt very slighted to be snubbed a dinner invite! Sad, sad puppy!

The baptism gift for my cousin's son a few weeks ago. Mostly whale themed once I found that Jonah and the Whale book and CD set at the Dollar Tree. I sort of built the gift around that them and threw in a few binky buddies because his mom is always asking me for more. The thing with the red whales is a bib but you can't really see it very well in the photo.





I picked up the above three hardcover books at the Dollar Tree too. For a buck! I've not read any of them yet and no, I am not Jewish. But I like learning and the pink cover had me at Lipstick! I'll let you know how they turn out when I finally get around to reading them. For $1, I had to bring them home!

Preppy Cricket, where did you go? And Europafox, I never received an invite. Are you still blogging? If so, will someone please mention to her that I miss reading!

I found my checkbook! You might recall that I lost it last spring too. This happens twice a year, every time I need the dumb thing. I just never write actual checks. Except when writing an actual check is my only option. Then I spend a week in a hot panic as I search every crevasse of my household. But I found it. Want to know something even more pathetic than constantly misplacing an important document like a checkbook? My name on the checkbook and coordinating debit card, is spelled incorrectly! Their fault of course, but I never bothered to go in and remedy the situation. That was nearly four years ago. FOUR. Only once in four years has anyone ever asked me why my card and license have a different name. Which is nearly as sad when you think about all the issues with identity theft and credit card fraud these days. But I see that I am about out of checks. Perhaps this will be my motivation to finally get my name spelled correctly.

I swear I am not really a total flake. I just don't keep after a book of tiny pieces of paper that I use no more than twice a year very well. We all have our flaws!

Y'all know I love me some Aaron Karo. He's hilarious and says all the stuff we're thinking but would never be brave enough to say out loud. I thought these were funny and relevant from his latest Ruminations....


-I think that when women turn thirty, they shift from picking apart every little thing a guy does as a reason why he’s an asshole, to rationalizing every little thing a guy does as a reason why he has potential: “Look at the way Jim parallel parks…I really think he could be the one.”

-Ladies, if you ask me a question while your breasts or my junk is exposed, there is a 100% chance you'll get the answer you want, but only a 50% chance I'll be telling the truth.

-Why do women run so awkwardly? Tuck those elbows in! You’re jogging, not attempting liftoff.

-During interviews to promote my new book, I’m often asked where the best places to meet women are. There are really only two answers, though: bars and Facebook. I mean, it’s 2009. What am I supposed to say? The library? The grocery store? We all know our generation needs alcohol and/or the Internet to get laid.

-I support and admire our troops, but I have no idea how their ranking system works. Oh, you're a corporal? So…does that mean you shine boots with a toothbrush, or you're in charge of the entire army?

Today's post is not nearly as detailed as others. I do promise to get back in the groove of writing Monster Monday posts. Both for myself and for y'all. I have been overwhelmed (in a positive way) with the incredibly heartfelt responses these posts have elicited. I find it both a relief and a shock to learn that so many of y'all went through very similar experiences. I even found out that an IRL friend from high school, a girl who I hung out with all the time and was part of my every-day little clique and a very close friend, went through similar situations. And never once did either of us disclose this information to each other. I had no idea!

So on that note of friends not knowing, I thought it was high time to do my best to explain just why I never shared most of this information with friends. I have a large number of IRL friends who read my blog (or at least know it exists- I am not really sure how many actually read it regularly) and were unaware of much or all of this part of my past. I think everyone knows that I don't speak to my mother. But I rarely elaborate and they rarely ask. It's sort of agreed that we will leave it at that.

The easier to answer part of this explanation of why I don't share this with newer friends (by newer I mean if you met me after high school. Which I know is not "new" in most cases but that is still how I sort of separate people. C and AH. Childhood and After Highschool. My AH friends rarely get much information out of me usually because it honestly never comes up in conversation. I mean, never once at a Junior League meeting or a work event has anything related to this topic of conversation come up. I just don't think about it. The background conversation with AH friends is usually about where you grew up and where you work and went to college. The second part to the answer is that I spent my entire childhood aware of the sympathy/pity everyone felt towards me. Talking about how your mother doesn't love you is a rather big Debbie Downer conversation. I am very sensitive towards others feeling sorry for me. And really, how can you not if I tell you the stories? If you told me the stories, I would feel the same towards you. So even though I know it is out of a place of love, it still has me all worried that I will be that girl who only tells sad and depressing stories. Even more than that, I am so worried that talking about any of this will make friends feel uncomfortable. So while I don't purposely avoid the conversation, I don't initiate it either. And rarely is there a natural entry into such topics anyway. My life is not about my past. I don't hide it but it really just doesn't enter my mind on a daily basis. But then, I get years into a friendship and find myself never having discussed this part of my past. And then I feel all new worries that I am too late or that the friend will feel I hid a part of me. So the cycle of never bringing it up continues.

The reason many of my childhood friends don't know many of my stories is because I was convinced as a kid that my dirty family business was front page news. That everyone knew and felt pity towards me. I didn't want to dwell on it more than necessary. And I was always aware that certain friends were not allowed to see me outside of school because their parents disapproved of my family. As an adult, I am learning that some friends really didn't know all the gory details of my family drama. Though I honestly thought most of them knew. But didn't bring it up because hello, Debbie Downer. And really, why would we talk about that junk when we were bopping around the shopping malls and restaurants and gossiping. There were a tiny handful of people I trusted enough to talk about things with - two best friends and their mothers - and the rest I really internalized. To this day I do not enjoy being the center of attention and never wanted everyone to stare sadly (or at all) at me. Then again, I would find myself in the position of being long-time friends and never discussing this part of me.

The bottom line is that I never wanted to be defined by my mother and Satan. Though for the majority of my life, I very much felt that I was defined by them and our past together. It's really only in the last handful of years that I can look at myself as truly separate from them. Due in great part to unfortunately cutting out a few more people from my life. Which is incredibly sad and not at all what I wanted to see happen. But when Satan and his wife are calling me or stalking me or showing up on my doorstep as they did in the middle of the night when I lived in DC, it's hard to justify anything or anyone that might contribute to that. Even if the friends or family members did so out of a place of love.

I've surprised myself in finding a small moral in my babbling post today though. I think one can read this and hopefully realize that sharing yourself and your scary stories doesn't have to be terrible. I'm still not bringing my past up in conversation at a fun girls night out dinner or anything. But I realize from the sweet comments and emails that have come my way, that not everyone in the world will judge me harshly for things that happened to me or around me as a child. And that my very dear friends might have similar stories that they need to get off their chests too.

The most frequently asked question that comes my way is if I feel a weight has been lifted off my shoulders by sharing my background. To that I respond both yes and no. I am not sure what my motivation was to share with y'all, but it was not actually to relieve stress. I don't usually think much about a post before writing it. One Monday I just wrote. And I was so touched by the kind responses that I decided to make it a semi-regular thing. Semi-regular because I have been busy lately and don't always make it on here to post anything on Sunday night or Monday morning. I do however feel relieved that many of my In Real Life (meaning outside of the blog. Because I do actually think of and speak of y'all as if we knew each other in person. I frequently re-tell stories saying "Blah, blah, blah happened to my friend, so she did XYZ about it.") friends know more about me. Without it having come up in the middle of a dinner, thus bringing the mood down. So while an unplanned outcome, that has been a relief. But also a source of guilt as emails come in saying "I had no idea!"

So to all my IRL friends reading this, I never set out to keep secrets from y'all. I just never found a time to bring it up when I thought it to be appropriate. But thank you a million times over for your sweet emails and comments!

More stories in the weeks to come, I promise. I know lurid details are far more fascinating than my babbling explanation.

This is my little kitchen helper. She is very helpful when it comes to all things chicken (or pork or turkey or anything else she thinks she desperately needs and rightfully deserves!). And to enforce her terrible behavior, I like to give her a little nibble. She did work so hard, after all!







Tonight's dinner was one of my favorite combinations; grocery store rotisserie chicken, mesclun salad with pecans and blackberries, cranberry dressing and acorn squash. Mmmm good! And since there are leftovers galore, it will be dinner tomorrow too. Those chickens make dinners fast and easy.


It always surprises me when friends mention they don't ever cook/eat acorn squash. I could eat it twice a week and be happy I think. It's really just an excuse to eat brown sugar and butter anyway. I like to mix my brown sugar, butter and a dash of maple syrup (the real stuff- none of that fake crap- gross!) together into a paste of sorts. It melts better that way. You can add whatever you have on hand but I usually add apple chunks, pecans, raisins or cranberries and the butter mixture. I also discovered last year that it makes a world of difference if you microwave the squash whole, no holes added, for several minutes before cutting. It turns that little event from nearly missing taking several fingers to the hospital on ice to one of ease. Then after I slice it and scoop out the seeds, I microwave it again for another 5 minutes. I do then cook it at 350 for 15 minutes (or so- depends on how large your squash are) but the microwave process cuts the cooking time down to about 1/3. Oh and I also take a piece of tin foil and form it into a snake and then a donut to hold each squash steady. Keeps them from rolling onto their sides and spilling out the liquid.





I had a very relaxing weekend. I did a whole bunch of nothing. Very unproductive. But Sadie Kate and I were too happy loafing about to care about the ironing going undone. There's always next week and the ironing isn't going anywhere.

I recently had a custom order for a variety of baby bow headbands to coordinate with her daughter's Christmas dresses. And now I am hooked on big baby bows and headbands. It's not for everyone or every dog (I tried very hard to get Sadie Kate to pose with a flower headband but she was having none of it!). But I've turned a corner and now happen to think they are fabulous.













And I made these for my shop because once I started, I just couldn't stop. If I can attach one of those gigantic crystal gems on something, I will. They are my new favorite little something to add here and there!

I'm home drinking hot cocoa with a splash (or three) of Baileys and watching 20/20. This is my first evening at home in a week! It started with pizza, then laundry, skipped the rest of the much needed but not fun on a Friday night house cleaning, and now poking around online and watching TV with the dog. Not exciting to some is a long-awaited night of nothing much to me! So 20/20....they are doing a piece on crazy cat ladies (they have like 30 cats- not about women who have two kitties- just wanted to clarify). How cats fulfill their deep yearning for love in their lives. I never thought I would say this, but OMG am I ever thankful for my severe allergies! That so could be me in another 10 years. But it won't be because being around cats for more than 20 minutes makes my face itch and swell and all sorts of un-fun things. Whew, avoided that near disaster!

Years ago, two of my favorite friends drove up to visit me over New Year's weekend. I was living in Indianapolis and they drove all the way up from Georgia. Only a best friend would do that! Anyway, on NYE, we were just sort of poking around my apartment during the afternoon. Just catching up and giggling and watching craptastic Lifetime TV movies. And then this movie came on that echoed a horrible situation that one friend had recently experienced. But ended. Right then and there we decided that if your life begins to resemble a Lifetime TV movie, it's time to change your life! I know it's not directly related to the crazy cat lady story but those are seriously good words to live by. Jot it down and I promise you will have a reason to repeat it at some point in your life.

Also, they just played the new Rhianna video. The song is beautiful but goodness that video is not for children. Very disturbing!

In an effort to lighten the mood on Casa de Crocodile, I will be showing you some Lilly Pulitzer goodness today and tomorrow. If you have yet to stop by the huge Lilly sale, go NOW. Much of it is sold out. I was soooo good though. I had two things in my cart and then shut it down. I need nothing right now. We are going to get piles of snow sooner than I would like and then it will be months and months before I can even dream of wearing anything short and cute. But if you don't live in the North Pole, shop away. The prices are great but selection is dwindling as the seconds tick away.

Sadie had a seizure about at midnight as I was going to bed so I ran to her and held her. It wasn't as bad as it has been in the past. And she hasn't had a seizure in a very long time. But she is taking twice as long to come back. By that I mean she gets very spacey for about an hour after a seizure. At the moment she is still spacey and we are nearing the two hour mark. She's going to be OK, this I know. But I can't move until I see her come back to herself. Lucky for me (if there is any luck in a sick baby) this all took place in the den so I can sit at my computer and watch TV. It is so hard to watch my baby like this. She is clearly not feeling well and is very confused about what happened to her.


Speaking of TV, I am finally watching Khloe Kardashian's wedding special. Yeah, yeah, I keep up with the Kardashians. Don't judge. Not regularly but at random times like this. Now I really have no qualms with a quick wedding. The older I get, the less I care about stuff like that. If it's right, it's right (and not just a wedding- lots of stuff like moving or having a child or dying your hair or whatever). But Khloe was SOOOO wrong to not tell Bruce about being engaged. And then to yell at him when she was just so mean spirited about it, just wrong. I know he is not her father but they are close. They both admit that. Also, I really hope Kourtney breaks up with sleazy Scott. He just gives me the heeby-jeebies. He must use half a bottle of gel each morning on that slick hair do of his.


Also, I heart that song on the Amazon Kindle commercial. I googled it (Whatever did we all do before google?! I remember when I was little and asked a question, my dad told me to go look it up in the encyclopedia. And I felt special because we had a set. I used to love that thing! I bet teenagers these days have never seen a big huge encyclopedia set.) and found out that 1. LOTS of people dig that song and 2. it is not a real song. Well, it's real. But the entire commercial was a contest of some sort. So it's not like on an album or anything. Completely sad because I think it's great.


I'm exhausted y'all. Can hardly see straight. I think I might carry my baby girl into the bedroom so that we can both go to bed. My eyes do not want to stay open!


How's that for a random middle of the night post for you?

May I vent for a moment? I promise to not do this very often. So if this annoys you, come back tomorrow when I promise to not vent and whine. Because let's face it, this is just as much a whine session as anything else. Just being honest.

I am 31 and quickly approaching 32. I am single. S I N G L E. Not a man in my vast, open horizon. No one. Nada. I go to everything single. No "and guest" for me. Half the weddings I am invited to don't even include a guest. It's just a given that I will never ever have a date. Ever. Ever, ever, ever. And everyone knows it.





Y'all know I volunteer as a sorority advisor. Well now many of the collegians whom I advised are getting married. And I am in majah depression over this fact. Don't get me wrong, I of course wish everyone a lifetime of happiness. I'm not just saying that, I really mean it. I am not jealous in a way that I only want that for myself and not for anyone else. But I do want it too. I want to share that joy (and frustration and ups and downs and sideways and everything that comes along with being married. I am not under the impression that "happily ever after" actually exists. I know it is hard work. I'm willing and able!) with a life mate.





I want someone to take out the trash and thank me for making dinner most nights. I want to miss him when he is golfing with the guys for the weekend and I want him to miss me when I go visit my girlfriends in another state for the weekend. I want to host Thanksgiving for our crazy families and convince him that wearing a Lilly tie on Easter will not be as painful as he might imagine. And I want photos of it all to remember for generations.

Here's the thing. When I tell all of this to someone, they have one of two responses. The first usually comes from my newly (less than 5 years) married friends. They tell me how I should enjoy being single. That I should do all of the "only when you're single" things now. Like go to bars? Not my thing. Like kiss a bunch or random men? Again, not my thing. I am not sure what these fabulous single things are but I think this answer bites big time. I am not sure there is actually anything I would do single that I cannot do married. I live the life of a housewife-wannabe. Wannabe being the key word of course!

The second response is slightly accusatory mixed with proactiveness. They ask what I am doing about it. And while I appreciate the pro-active end of the question, I sort of resent that accusation that my unwillingness to stand on a street corner holding a sign saying "please date me" means I deserve to be single. One of my best friends met her now hub in a college lecture class. She ignored him at first. Another met hers when we were all little children. We were in diapers together and lived in the same neighborhood. Another met hers at work. Actually, several met their men at work now that I think about it. I work with women so this is not a possibility for me. None of these ladies were actively trying to date their now husbands. It just happened to work out that way. So if they didn't need to resort to a street corner with a sign, why should I have to humiliate myself further? The answer is that I am not really doing "anything" about my single syndrome. I do try to be aware of my surroundings (you know, at Starbucks and such), just in case Mr. Right is right there. But I am not currently on eHarmony or the like (Though I have been there before. The guy I dated from eH is married and just had a baby girl. Further fueling my whine fest.). I've been on several blind dates. They rarely pan out but I am always good spirited enough to look at those situations in a positive and complimentary light. I do appreciate others thinking that much of me and don't find it offensive.

The bottom line is that it seems clear to everyone who comments that this is my fault. That I am not "putting myself out there" or whatever the heck that means. Everyone loves to tell me that it will happen when it happens. Thanks, that really cleared that up for me. Exactly when will that be do you suppose?

My friends who are prego-challenged do their best to avoid baby showers and kiddie birthday parties. It just feels too painful for them to have it in their face all the time. I totally get that. But you can't do that when you are marriage-challenged. I have exactly one of my 10 best girlfriends who is still single. And she lives nine states away. Every other friend is married. Or in a practically-married relationship. If I avoided all my married friends, I would be avoiding everyone I know. Literally. And one can avoid baby showers- you just mail a gift and no one gives a hoot. But how exactly is one to avoid a wedding when you are a bridesmaid. I can't mail my bridesmaid dress and magically make it walk down the aisle and give a toast. On top of impossible, that would be creepy. And I want to be there. I love weddings and love my friends and genuinely love being there to celebrate those awesome life moments. It's just that I want a reason for people to celebrate with me too. I am recently convinced that if I ever find a man to marry, we will have to do a justice of the peace wedding. Most of my friends now have children or are planning to have them soon. You can't exactly run off to another state for a weekend wedding when you have babies. I feel like I have officially missed my window of time to have anyone even consider coming to my highly-unlikely-to-even-happen-anyway wedding.

Oh and don't even get me started on my family members asking me why I am single. Why? You want to know why? As if I am making a conscious decision to be love-less? Like I turn suitors away? I don't bloody know why! But you asking me like that is humiliating. Not just frustrating but humiliating because it further makes me feel like a big fatty loser who will forever be invited to events solo.

What's the point of this post, you are wondering? Well everyone says if you want something to happen, be pro-active. So I pray about it multiple times a day (Pray, plead, beg, cry, discuss, and then some. God is fully aware, trust me. We chat frequently.), I think about it, I talk about it (usually with Georgia- my only single best friend and Sadie - the pup), and I made a vision board (ala Oprah). I stare at that darn vision board every bloody day. So far, nada. Its just a dumb board with magazine clippings and bold lettering. And now I am putting it out into the blogosphere in great detail.





I want to be married and adopt children. I know I can (and likely will) have a family without a husband. But in my heart of hearts, I want the husband too. First, I want him first. Not for the wedding or ring. I want the marriage. I want the partner. I want someone to hold my hand when I am sad. I want someone to share my life with. I want it all, dammit. There, I said it. I really do want "it all." But will gladly settle for some part thereof. I am so tired (literally exhausted) of feeling so alone and unloved. I know my family and friends love me. But it is not the same. Their love being enough is like telling a woman yearning for years to get pregnant to just enjoy her neighbor's kid instead. It is not the same thing. Not even close. My heart aches for marriage. The older I get, the more alone I feel. The more at a stand-still. I feel like my friends are living life and I am stuck sitting on the corner waiting for a bus that is never coming. It changed routes and doesn't even pass this neighborhood anymore. Maybe I should in fact get out my "please marry me" sign as long as I am standing on this bus-less street corner!

For me, the execution tonight of the DC Sniper tonight hits home in a way I have never before experienced. I am vehemently against the death penalty. But this time it feels so personal. And leaves me feeling conflicted. I lived in Virgina when this all took place. It wasn't a news story, it was daily life. I was a nanny at the time and I very much remember sitting with the mom at night to talk about where it might be safer to go get gas or take the kids. We all lived in fear. The attacks were so random and diverse and left everyone feeling so on edge. I think things like this are different when you live them rather than watching on the news. Just as when you have a soldier in your family or teacher or insert person. You are more sensitive when it interacts with your personal life. When it changes the way you go about your day. So while I am steadfast in my disagreement of the death penalty, I do feel an odd sense of relief that he is no longer ever able to terrorize our nation.

For all the dog lovers in the world. Great story here!

Two quick and unrelated stories for you.

So I know many of us grumble about Ebay often but I have to share this positive story with y'all. On Friday night I bid on a pair of yellow Lilly Pulitzer corduroy pants in my fat girl size. I am back on the work-out bandwagon but the likelihood of me fitting into my not-quite-as-fat-girl size any time soon is unlikely. I'm just being realistic. Anyway, I bid on pants. And I won them. So when I found out first thing Sat AM that I won, I of course paid right away. I'm a good buyer like that. But the seller....she is even better. She mailed them what seems like moments after I paid. Then arrived on Monday. Won, paid, packaged and shipped before noon on Saturday. Arrived Monday. I was gleeful! Oh and they fit great so that's a big plus too.

Second story happened yesterday at the grocery store. My market has one little row of the highly desired little carts. Do y'all know what I mean when I say "little cart?" They look like the big carts but for a kid. They are short and double-decker. We don't have the fancy markets like Whole Foods, Trader Joes or Sutton Place up here. But they all have similar small carts in those stores. OK, either you know what I am talking about or you don't. But suffice to say it is a small shopping buggy. Moving on. Well my Price Chopper only has one row of them. So they are usually out when I go shopping. They are highly coveted as they are so much easier to maneuver around the people who think it is perfectly acceptable to place their giant carts side by side and having a long conversation with a friend and ignore you when you say excuse me so you have to leave the aisle altogether. But yesterday, I got a little cart. Perfect as I only needed a few items. So I go about my business and as I am towards the end of my shopping, this little old lady comes up to me. Actually, she came up to my cart as I was grabbing something off the shelf. She starts saying to no one in particular, " Can I have this cart? I want the little cart Can I have the little cart? I like the little cart." At first I didn't even realize she was talking to me as she was sort of just wandering about. Her husband then said that it was someone else's cart and she had to use the big cart. She stood her ground, wanting my little cart. I get it, they are way better than the big carts. I have asked Price Chopper Customer Service multiple times to get more but they just laugh at me and then say that everyone asks the same thing. Um, OK. And while I am sympathetic to little old ladies, I was actually using the cart. What would I have done with my groceries if I had given it to her? After I checked out I saw her again and did in fact give it to her. But come on now, I can't just give you the cart and magically carry my groceries. I hope she enjoyed my little cart though.