Wednesday, February 21, 2018

My Very Last Day As a 30-Something

I've dreaded this week for most of the past decade.  It feels like things are just ending.  And I'm not ready for it.

But I can't stop time.  

Today is my very last day as a 30-something.  39 years and 364 days old.  

Tomorrow I start a new decade.  One where I have to figure out some new dreams while, if I am being really raw and honest, I also figure out how to mourn my old dreams dying.

I'm not ready to let go of the dream to have a family.  But time doesn't seem to be interested in my wants.  

I'm trying not to pick apart how I got to the eve of my 40th birthday without figuring life out.  I wish I knew exactly where I went wrong.  But I also know that it does me no favors to lean into those thoughts.  Marinating in self-deprecation is a toxic behavior on my end.

I have to move forward.  I have to just take the next step and work on some new dreams.  Which is so much harder to put into action.  

So I am determined to figure out some things in this new year.  Come hell or high water, I want my post at age 40 years and 364 days to feel more hopeful and sure of things ahead.  

I want the woman who writes that post to feel like she made a lot of self progress and has solid ideas of where she wants her life to head.  I want her to stop comparing herself to people who aren't even in her life and to let go of the fact that she will never get closure on certain issues.  I also want her to have fully embraced the fact that she really needs to wear more supportive footwear.  Her beloved flip flops and Jacks are fine for bit but she can't walk all day in them.  Her back and shins require more support.

It's a lot to ask for a year. But I'm putting it out there anyway.  Life feels like it's slipping away and I really want to grab it back.  While wearing less cute but decidedly better for me sandals!

Here's to turning 40 tomorrow and learning to let go!

1 comment:

MCW said...

Hey there missy...don't ever, ever give up on your old dreams! They can/will still happen! It's never too late. I don't want to hear that from you again!!! Happy happy birthday! xoxo


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