Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Losing Hope and Feeling Scared

It's so specific.  My mind immediately and easily goes directly to that imagery.  I gasp over and over as one doesn't even need to close their eyes to envision a person hanging from a tree simply because the moral majority dislikes the existence of others.

Nothing about the President making a joke that the Vice President wants to hang all the gays is subtle. It's not a general we wish gay people didn't exist hateful statement.  It's also not a general we don't believe people are really gay twisted belief.  Or the current favorite mentality that my religious beliefs prevent me from selling you, a gay person or a black person or a Jewish person or a something different than me person, a slice of pizza.

It's specifically wishing human beings to be violently killed.  And then thinking that's a funny one liner.

It's disgusting and has left me feeling nauseous for the past day and a half.  It feels personal because it was intended to feel personal.  It's at best, wishful thinking on the part of our President and Vice President.  And at worst, it is a rallying cry that will no doubt trickle down, with more weight than ever before as it started at the very top of the pyramid.

It's wrong.  It's sickening.  But it's not at all a surprise.

These two men have shown this behavior over and over again towards not just LGBTQ+ people, but also towards women, black and brown people, poor people, disabled people, immigrant people, and everyone in between.  It's their jam.  It's their joy.  It's their goal.  And it replays itself every day in a new and more horrifying way.

That image though, is just rocking me to my core right now.  I can feel the tightening in my throat and around my neck, and imagine the terror rushing through a person as they are tortured and tied up.  Of all the rational and irrational fears running through my head, never ever has hanging been one of them. Until now.  

Everything about it is evil and pure hate.

I wish so badly I could conjure up a little Glennon or Brene or Jen wisdom right now.  I wish I could tell you how I have learned to be a better or more active person in the past 24 hours from marinating on this news story.  I wish I could offer up a profound call to action to help make the world kinder and more welcoming.

But damnit, I am not those writer heroes of mine.  Right now I have no more wisdom than to tell you I feel scared.  On a personal level but more than that, for everyone who falls into an other category.  I am nervous for the others in small communities, as well as in big corporations.  I'm sitting here wondering where this will impact society the most and when people will finally start caring that fellow humans are being harmed.  

Killing people, attempting to kill people, fantasizing about killing people, and joking about killing people should never be acceptable.  Condemnation should be neither political nor religious.  But it seems we have gone so far back in time {presumably this is the great part we heard so much about} that few even bat an eyelash these days at our President and Vice President wishing all non straight people to be hanged to death.  I became complacent and assumed we would never in my lifetime have people serving in the two highest offices in the land promoting murder.  But I was wrong.  In my 39th year of life, I was dead wrong.

For as inspired as I have been over the past nine months watching the uprising of peaceful warriors not just chant, but take positive action on #BlackLivesMatter and #MyBodyMyBusiness and #HeathcareIsAHumanRight and #ScienceIsReal and #OneLove and #ImmigrantsMakeAmericaGreat and #TakeAKnee and #MeToo...I'm still scared every single day that the next shoe is about to drop.  We're not even a full year into this madness.  And we're all exhausted.  But there's no time to sleep on the job of keeping humanity afloat!

I wish I knew action items to take on to feel like I was contributing towards positive changes.  But I spin my wheels and don't know where to turn. I'm losing hope.  And without hope...what exactly do we have left?



MCW said...

I'm sorry that people in this country took behind those two asshats who have no empathy or understanding of humans different then themselves.

Landlocked Mermaid said...

This is so cruel and so scary. But you must believe that strong and loving people always have your back. We are stronger than these fools. And we can never let them sway us. But I am so sorry that he scares you like that. They are both evil xoxo


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