Sunday, June 11, 2017

One Year And One Month

Dear Sadie,

I have a lot to say today.  I think I've learned as much in the past month as I have in the past year.  But I am stumbling over my words.  Because the 11th of every month will forever be our day.  For better or worse, I just can't make today about me and my life lessons.

Maybe tomorrow.  

As much as I know you would want me to get all the words out and as much as I know you are in Heaven moving your head from side to side as I talk to you...not today.

Today I tell you again that I love you.  Every minute of every day.

More than a dozen times this past month I have done a double take because I thought I saw you here at home.  It's a fraction of a second where I see a shadow or walk into the kitchen or wake up at 4AM to pee and look over where your donut bed, that I know full well is cradling you forever in your resting place, once sat, and think I see you.  

It's just a hair of time.  But it still gets me.  Not in a bad way.  I think at this stage it makes me happy that I still feel you and think I see you.  

I cry a lot less {though am very literally sobbing and having to take off my glasses as I type there's that} these days.  I bring you up as often as I can.  Little memories have made me giggle more and more lately.  And not a day has gone by without me thinking of you.  

I don't know if I will ever get to be a momma.  Time's about run out for that dream.  But you and I both know that you made me a mom.  

You have my heart forever, baby bunny.  

XO Momma

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