Friday, March 10, 2017

Exactly One Year Ago

Exactly one year ago, my world crumbled into a heap.  Sadie had been sick on and off for a year and it was clearly time to let her go.  Simultaneously, my relationship ended.  At the same time on the same day.

So in between texts with my ex and all the tears when I realized how horrible they truly were, I had a long and tearful talk with my dad about my baby girl.  And then called the vet to come the following day.

It was a very bad day for me.

While the relationship was in fact over {though the torment would go on for several more months until I would finally slam the phone down for the last time in July}, Sadie pulled through.  That night, she seemed better.  But I'd seen this cycle so many times that I was skeptical.  I didn't want to get my hopes up as I was working so hard to come to terms with losing her.

I didn't sleep that night of March 10, 2016.  I was awake all night, tossing in bed, crying about Sadie, numb over my relationship ending.  I was an absolute disaster.  

I knew it was our last night together.

But the morning of March 11, 2016, Sadie seemed to be doing so well.  She was walking normal and ate and drank.  I had my dad give me his opinions and he was convinced it wasn't her day to go.  So I called off the vet, who was so kind about my last minute cancellation.

Sadie would live to see her 14th birthday in April and would finally pass, with the help of that same kind vet, on May 11, 2016.

Looking back on this day a year ago, I really just want to hug that girl.  I have never in my life needed a hug more badly than I did that day.  I wouldn't get one.  But I did get two more months to cuddle and kiss my best girl.

I know it's strange to sort of memorialize such a sad day, but it feels personally important to look back on that period and recognize the good, bad, and in between.  I want to acknowledge how I am different today.  I want to remember that I have in fact, just like all of you, made it through hell in back.  That day {and really that entire year plus the previous fall} was my personal hell.  I hate that the relationship crap overlapped my last days with my baby girl.  But I also know I only made it through any of that because of her.  I've said it here before but there were many times in her life that Sadie truly saved me.  That was one of those times.  

I'm ever so thankful that the terror of nearly losing her that day made me take so many extra photos of  us together.  Even without makeup and puffy tear-filled eyes, I love this one of us.  


1 comment:

MaggieMcCurdy said...

Sadie hung in there for you, I have NO doubt in my mind. XO.


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