But no matter how much I try to ignore it or not think about it or wish it away, the day always comes and eventually goes. And I am filled with big buckets of mixed emotions.
Last year was my worst birthday ever. So in some ways, today is automatically better by default. But my Sadie isn't here this year, for the very first time. And in some other ways, her absence makes it harder. Because regardless of what else was happening in my life, I always had my little furbaby to remind me of all the good in the world. Just watching her sleep was enough to make everything in my life better.
I have a plan though.
I have fun things mixed into my day and evening, including cake before dinner. I might even break my FB ban to read some birthday well wishes.
Today is not the end of the world. It's my personal dark day that comes with new challenges. But it's going to be okay.
Please someone tell me 39 isn't as wretched as it feels while writing it! It's like a secret cool age, right? Good life things happen and wisdom comes and all the laughter is had...right?!
Anyway, there you go. It's my day.