Tuesday, October 11, 2016

5 Months Ago Today I Said Goodbye

I'm having a surprisingly hard day today.  I just did not see all these tears coming after having such a great weekend.  But here they are, just quietly falling down my cheeks over and over today.

Five months ago I said my last goodbye to my furbaby.  

I don't know what it means to handle grief well but I've kept it together for the most part so I suppose I get to fall under the handling it well umbrella.  For all the reasons I understand and all the reasons I will never understand though, I am privately falling apart at the seams today.

I believe about a month before Sadie died, I made a video for YouTube.  In the middle of filming, she started to cry and came looking for me.  She hadn't done that in ages.  The last few years she wasn't able to hear and slept all the time.  But this day, she needed to see her momma.  I am beyond grateful I let the camera keep rolling while I picked her up and held her like a baby, something she loved always.  This is the only video I have of us together.  I just never thought to take video.  

While I uploaded this as a little self-indulgence, it's here if you want to see the most precious 50 seconds of my life.  

Oh Sadie...

Five months out and I still look for you when I walk into the den.  Five months out and I still double over crying out to you.  Five months out and I still talk to you in Heaven every single day.  Five months out and it still hurts exactly as bad as it did on day one.  Five months out and I am still telling you that I love you.

All my love, my baby bunny!

XO Momma

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