Monday, July 11, 2016

Two Months Without You




Dear Sadie,

Today is officially two months since I last held you in my arms.  And I am just as broken today as I was then.  Two sentences into this post and I have had to stop several times because I am bawling and I can't see out of eyes overflowing with tears.

I am lost.

Yesterday I was laying in bed and watching TV and I heard you.  I mean, I know it couldn't have actually been you because you're gone.  But I swear I heard your little cry to go on a walk or eat dinner.  It was so clear that it took the wind right out of me.  I was frozen in the moment.

I would give anything to kiss your sweet nose or rub your ears or talk to you and have you bop your head from side to side again.  

I am lost.

I am not a wife and am not a mother.  But I was Sadie's momma.  That was my title for 14 years.  I was your momma.  And I will always be your momma.  You will always be my baby bunny.

But I no longer have three walks a day to plan around.  I no longer have meals to make and serve.  I no longer have deep conversations.  I no longer have someone to see when I walk in the door.  I no longer have someone to kiss and cuddle before I leave the house.  I no longer tuck you in bed each night.  

I don't know what my purpose is without you here in my life.

I am lost.

I miss you so much.  I am sad and I ugly cry daily.  My heart is so broken.  

I hope you are having just the most amazing time in Heaven playing with Bailey and all your cousins and of course, your best pal Charlie.  

But sometimes, it feels impossible to put one foot in front of the other without you by my side.

So I confess...I am lost.

All my love,
XO Momma

2 comments:

Just Sue said...

Our Cora passed away at 2:30 this afternoon. My heart is gutted. I'm saving this post for a time I can read it without tears.

BAMinNewport said...

I am so, so sorry. You are often in my thoughts. Only time will help :(. Shelties are absolutely wonderful dogs--I have had three. I enjoy following you on Instagram!
XX
Beth Anne (aka newportgirl1)

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