Saturday, June 11, 2016

Sadie Sunday On Saturday: One Month Without Her

It's been a full month, baby bunny.  It's not easier.  In fact, now that everyone is long over being sympathetic, I think it's harder.  Because I have to grieve in the closet.  There's a strange, unwritten rule of how long you are allowed to grieve.  And it's not very long.  Which for me, just adds a layer of shame on top of the unbearable heartache of missing you.

I refuse to stop talking to you or talking about you.  You will always be the little love of my life and want to make sure I remember everything about our 14 years together.

This is one of our last photos together, just a half hour or so before we said our final goodbye and I gave you my last kisses on your sweet nose.  

But I also want to remember one of our earliest memories together.  When I adopted you, Little and her cute dog Sophie were living with me for a few months.  Sophie wasn't but six or so pounds and you were probably 15lbs at the time.  And much taller and longer.  Sophie had a bed and I bought you one the first full day I had you.  You're bed was much bigger than Sophie's as you were a bigger dog.

But Sophie was older and Alpha.  You never had an Alpha bone in your body.  You're just like your momma!

To train you to sleep in your bed, I would get down on the floor and tap the side of the bed.  You would come over and get in it and settle in all cozy.  I would walk away.  But Sophie was determined to get her paws on that brand new bed.  So she would come over and just stare you down.  She didn't growl or bark, she would just stand in front of the bed and stare at you until you got up and got out of the new, big bed.  She would get in your brand new bed and claim it as her own.  And then...oh man do I wish I could find a photo of this would go and happily get into Sophie's tiny little bed.  That even as a baby puppy, you were way too big for.  Your head would flop over one end and your four legs would flop over the other end.  You never cared.  As many times as Little and I would get you two out of the wrong beds and into the correct beds, Sophie would exert her Alpha dominance and you would gladly give her what she wanted.  

Right from the get go, you were the sweetest, happiest, most loving little girl.  You loved Sophie with your whole heart right from day one.  And it just never phased you to take her tiny, old bed.  

For your second birthday, you and I walked from our apartment on Capitol Hill over to the {then} new pet store on 8th Street.  We were there a lot as they loved you and always gave you treats.  They had these beautiful donut beds that they custom made.  We picked out the most beautiful fabric, yellow with pink and green and white plaid, and had the perfect bed made for you.  You slept in it every single night until the day you died.  I miss that bed so much but it was yours.  It was your happy, comfortable place.  You passed away in that bed and we buried you in it too.  You get to sleep in that perfect pretty bed forever, my baby bunny.  It is the perfect size for you, my perfect puppy!

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