As I've mentioned, I recently got out of a very bad relationship. To be honest, it was the worst dating relationship of my life. I don't regret it, as I don't want the burden of living a life with that much regret. But if I could go back and make better decisions, I absolutely would. Live and learn.
So now I am in this strange unattached but not quite ready to jump back into a serious relationship limbo phase. And it's taken some getting used to.
It's not that I haven't had plenty of relationships end in the past. Of course I have. And I absolutely wanted that relationship to end weeks before it finally came to a crashing conclusion. I am just still so hurt by how it ended though and all of the revelations that have since come to light. So many lies and games and manipulations and pieces I am still putting together.
I know though that it is imperative to spend this time reflecting on the past and taking my time. TGE never reflects on the past as it's just inconvenient to realize how much hurt happened. Nor does TGE take a moment of time between relationships ever to just be still and single and alone. I come from a different belief system. I think it's critical to talk about things, process experiences, reflect honestly about past relationships, and be okay being by yourself for a skinny minute. If you can't be okay alone, you will never be good with anyone else.
So I am single. And that's okay. Because in the mean time, I am having a whole heck of a lot of fun.
It turns out TGE is the only person who thinks I am worthless.
Lots of flirting and giggles and texts and phone conversations and coffee dates and dinner dates are happening. I'm slowly but surely letting my guard down and starting to have a really fun time.
As much as I want to be part of a we, I know that doing this the right way is the only way for me. I need to take things slowly and get in as many laughs as humanly possible. I need to remember what it is is like to have someone value me. I'm kind and funny and when I put in a bit of effort, sometimes I'm even cute!
So cheers to flirting and dating and laughing a lot. Cheers to meeting cute, new people. Cheers to new friends. Cheers to first kisses. Cheers to holding hands. Cheers to feeling beautiful again. Cheers to having fun. This is still my #yearofyes and I am saying yes to being happy.