Monday, March 10, 2014

Dear Lindsay Lohan...Episode 1

Dear Lindsay Lohan,

Oh honey!  I watched your new reality show on OWN last night.  After the first episode, here are my thoughts.  Feel free to mull them over.

First... Please wear a bra.  I don't understand why women don't wear bras.  I recently read a quote by Rhianna where she stated that she either wears a shirt OR a bra.  Not both.  Why??  At what point did the earth's axis shift and that became acceptable?  It's part of an underwear set.  Ladies wear underwear.  Little girls do not.  Grow up, become a lady and wear your under garments.

Second... Smoking is gross.  But I expect you already know that.  It's also an ugly habit that ages you.

Third... You seem very bratty and self-absorbed.  Is that how all of Hollywood acts?  I'm serious...someone who knows more than me...please answer.  Am I wrong to criticize this behavior?  You made your assistant run back to the hotel to move all of your crap to another room just because.  Not because the first room was bad.  Not because there were problems.  Just because you were having a bratty, melt down moment.  A healthy slice of humble pie would do you good!

Fourth... I get that you want a place to call home.  I'm a total homebody, so I feel you on that one.  And I get that it's unfair that prices are suddenly higher when they know you are a celeb.  But you are also a huge risk.  Your life resume is long and unsavory.  Real estate is expensive and the owners need to protect their investment.  Also, I'm quite positive that hotel you stayed in has a gym.  No one is stopping you from creating a regular workout routine.

Fifth... Why didn't you move in with your mother?  Or a stable family member?  Do you not have an old aunt in Ohio or cousin in Idaho that you can stay with for six months?  I really think a little bit of normal would do you a world of good.  From what I have seen of this show so far, you seem about one high heel break away from a melt down leading to bad decisions.  I say that out of sincere concern.  Moving to NYC seems like a dangerous decision.

Sixth... Someone explain to me why you needed a magazine to pay for your trip to promote a movie.  Does the movie not pay for that?  I always assumed when actors went to London or LA or wherever to promote the opening of movies and premieres, that it was all part of the PR expenses.  No?

Seventh... Your personal assistant seems like a saint!  I imagine I would say that about most assistants though.

Eighth... Wear a bra!!  It's worth noting twice.  Seriously...bra, bra, bra.  Wear a bra!!

Until next week,
KK the Preppy Pink Crocodile


Casey said...

I can't believe you actually watched that garbage! Just because it was on Oprah's network?? I'm totally judging you right now.

linda said...

Spot on advice!
- Linda, ny

MCW said...

LOL. I don't watch reality TV, but this is one I may want to see!

Alex said...

I don't get OWN anymore since we switched to Verizon Fios but I heard that Lindsay Lohan was a hot mess!

BroncoMom said...

Lindsay, Get a grip babe!

Tammy B said...

I wonder if she will ever grow up. What a train wreck! She was such a talented child actor.

Angi Solle said...

I have NO CLUE why women don't wear bras...blows my mind that they think that is acceptable. sigh.

Flo said...

All things that need to be said to her, and all those other divas living in LaLa land. Yay!


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