Monday, March 24, 2014

Dear Lindsay Lohan: Episode 3. Momma Oprah Gives You A Smackdown.




Dear Lindsay Lohan,

Why do you need two assistants?  It seems that you have one job, to film for six hours a day.  And not every day.  Like a few days a week.  At most.  But reality show film.  So you need to have zero preparation for this gig.  No memorization, no driving to a set, no hair and wardrobe.  But you need two assistants and a "sober coach" who seems to serve not at all as a sober life coach and entirely as a personal assistant...bringing the number up to three assistants.  If you ask me, you're just buying friends/yes people.  Yes people are dangerous...no matter who you are.

Do you have that much money or are you, as I suspect, hemorrhaging money to fund this insane lifestyle?  The expensive new apartment, two assistants, one sober life coach/really a third assistant, car and driver, constant eating out, etc...that shit adds up.  Fast.

You create your own chaos.  And you make an excuse for EVERYTHING.  Your "sober coach" rambles on and on about you needing a routine.  You ramble on and on about you needing a routine.  But you bail on every obligation.  If you just followed through...do you know what that would be called...wait for it...a ROUTINE.

I think you lie.  A lot.  To everyone.  Including yourself.

This show is less about Lindsay and more about the people working for her.  Because she refuses to be on camera.  Which honestly, I find infinitely more interesting.  But I am sure those producers disagree with me as they likely paid Lindsay Lohan big buckaroos to do this show.

Unless there is some major break through at the end of this series, I suspect it will do you more harm than good.  And not because the show is sensationalizing your negatives.  But because it is showing the world that you really haven't changed.  I sort of feel guilty for watching after realizing this.  I mean, I'm not exactly a fan of yours.  At all.  But I don't have any desire to see you fail.  I'm not sure what I expected from this show but it's far more depressing than I could have ever imagined.  You have at your finger tips what millions of people want.  And you just seem to be be throwing it away.  It's both sad and frustrating to watch.

Instead of moving to NYC, you should have moved into Oprah's house.  Momma O would have you whipped into shape in no time.

I don't want this post to be about me, the Queen of Quite a Lot, telling you how terrible you are.  I do actually believe you want to be better and do better.  But from what I've seen so far, you do not at all seem ready to live this life you are living.  You don't seem to grasp personal responsibilities.  You can't even handle committing to a five minute conversation with Matt.

By the way...did Matt quit?  I hope not.  At this point, he's half the reason I am still watching.

Here's hoping the Oprah intervention changes the course of your life!  Momma O, while full of love and wisdom, does not mince words.  You need more of that and fewer yes people in your life!

Best,
KK the Preppy Pink Crocodile



4 comments:

Flo said...

I haven't watched the show, but this girl (and so many Hollywood types like her) are a train wreck. I feel bad for them and yet I don't feel bad for them, like you said, she creates her own chaos. At some point it's time to put on the "big girl panties" and grow up. Amanda Bynes and Justin Beiber are two other recent examples of arrested development combined with too much money that is going to end in disaster if something doesn't change soon.

Rickrack and Pompoms said...

Yay you are still blogging! Happy to follow you again:)

Casey said...

She just needs to implode and get it over with. It's what she wants, because although she says she wants to change, it sounds like she's not taking any actions to change. Let her hit rock bottom, and if she kills herself in the process, so be it. Why waste time and money trying to save someone who doesn't want to be saved?

linda said...

Haven't watched this show, but I am loving your commentary. I know you are spot on with your assessments. Bless her heart, she is a mess.
- Linda, ny

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