Thursday, March 27, 2014

Lilly Pulitzer Sale, Blogging Status, And More

I love Lilly Pulitzer!

# First things first...Lilly Pulitzer treats will be on sale at 11 am EST today on Ruelala.  I usually find good deals during these sales so let's hope we all get something fun and pink!

# Now regarding my blog status.  Or lack thereof.  I'm not sure what my deal is but I'm in a big ole rut.  I'm working on it.  I finally got myself on Instagram so if you're on IG too, let's be friends (or whatever it's called).  I'm tweeting the way I used to blog.  So let's be friends there too.

I've not abandoned blogging though.  I still love this medium.  I just need to shake the cobwebs out of my head and re-group.  So please don't give up on me.  I just need a week or two more to get myself together.  Posts on spring fashions, gardening obsessions, dating disasters, and life in general are going to be back in short order.  I also have a lot of blog reading to do so expect comments from me coming your way shortly, too!

# It's officially gardening season!  Table gardening, that is.  My dad built me a fancy new grow light.  And the first night I used it, I realized that from outside it looks as if I'm using the other kind of grow light.  Hopefully no one calls the police on my tomatoes and broccoli.  #gardening  #growfoodnotlawns

So far, here's the list of what's germinated in the week and a half since planting the seeds:
* Pak Choi (first to sprout)
* Broccoli
* Swiss Chard
* Kale
* Artichokes
* All eight types of tomatoes...woot woot!
* Brussels Sprouts

# It's still cold here.  Spring got lost or something.  I had to wear my heaviest coat and boots and ear muffs to walk the dog on the shortest walk ever last night.  To say I am disgruntled is an understatement.  I have had a wicked case of SAD this year.

# And finally, I have a play date with my favorite 3.5 year old boyfriend this afternoon!  Nothing cheers me up like that sweet boy!

## So what have y'all been up to these days?  Is it still frigid in your part of the country?  Are you planning a garden this year?  Give me the skinny...

Monday, March 24, 2014

Dear Lindsay Lohan: Episode 3. Momma Oprah Gives You A Smackdown.

Dear Lindsay Lohan,

Why do you need two assistants?  It seems that you have one job, to film for six hours a day.  And not every day.  Like a few days a week.  At most.  But reality show film.  So you need to have zero preparation for this gig.  No memorization, no driving to a set, no hair and wardrobe.  But you need two assistants and a "sober coach" who seems to serve not at all as a sober life coach and entirely as a personal assistant...bringing the number up to three assistants.  If you ask me, you're just buying friends/yes people.  Yes people are matter who you are.

Do you have that much money or are you, as I suspect, hemorrhaging money to fund this insane lifestyle?  The expensive new apartment, two assistants, one sober life coach/really a third assistant, car and driver, constant eating out, etc...that shit adds up.  Fast.

You create your own chaos.  And you make an excuse for EVERYTHING.  Your "sober coach" rambles on and on about you needing a routine.  You ramble on and on about you needing a routine.  But you bail on every obligation.  If you just followed you know what that would be called...wait for it...a ROUTINE.

I think you lie.  A lot.  To everyone.  Including yourself.

This show is less about Lindsay and more about the people working for her.  Because she refuses to be on camera.  Which honestly, I find infinitely more interesting.  But I am sure those producers disagree with me as they likely paid Lindsay Lohan big buckaroos to do this show.

Unless there is some major break through at the end of this series, I suspect it will do you more harm than good.  And not because the show is sensationalizing your negatives.  But because it is showing the world that you really haven't changed.  I sort of feel guilty for watching after realizing this.  I mean, I'm not exactly a fan of yours.  At all.  But I don't have any desire to see you fail.  I'm not sure what I expected from this show but it's far more depressing than I could have ever imagined.  You have at your finger tips what millions of people want.  And you just seem to be be throwing it away.  It's both sad and frustrating to watch.

Instead of moving to NYC, you should have moved into Oprah's house.  Momma O would have you whipped into shape in no time.

I don't want this post to be about me, the Queen of Quite a Lot, telling you how terrible you are.  I do actually believe you want to be better and do better.  But from what I've seen so far, you do not at all seem ready to live this life you are living.  You don't seem to grasp personal responsibilities.  You can't even handle committing to a five minute conversation with Matt.

By the way...did Matt quit?  I hope not.  At this point, he's half the reason I am still watching.

Here's hoping the Oprah intervention changes the course of your life!  Momma O, while full of love and wisdom, does not mince words.  You need more of that and fewer yes people in your life!

KK the Preppy Pink Crocodile

Friday, March 21, 2014

You're Using The Term Expert Rather Loosely

Not to make light of the missing plane from Malaysia, but these news reports are getting wacky.

It's not their fault.  I mean, this is the biggest news story right now.  And yet there is next to nothing to really report.  So two weeks ago we had super big experts on at every corner doing all of these super big expert reports.

Then we went weeks without any hard evidence.

So as time ticks on, the quality of "experts" dwindles.

When the plane first went down, you had to have a PhD in aeronautics.  Then it lowered to have you ever been to flight school.  Lowered again to have you ever sat in a cockpit, even as a kid.  I mean, if the pilot gave you plastic wings, come on down and do a report.  And lately, if you have ever sat in an airplane, you are about as qualified as anyone to report on this missing plane.  First class, economy, one of those little toy airplanes...make no difference.  You're suddenly an expert.

My heart just breaks for those families.  I mean, as a citizen of the world, who does a fair share of flying, I'd like this mystery solved ASAP.  But I just can't imagine my loved one being on that flight and having no idea what happened.  Just thinking about it rips my heart out.  It seems the families just left their lives to sit in that hotel hoping and waiting for any bit of solid information.  They can't go anywhere without being swarmed by reporters.  So they are heartbroken and scared and not at home and staring at walls and going insane.  They must be so tortured.  

So please know I am not glossing over the tragedy of the event.

But when Courtney Love makes big news for her determination to solve the know the media is scraping the bottom of the barrel for report on.  Huge world news story without any real information, means lots of air quotes as reporters introduce so called experts.

Monday, March 17, 2014

73 Questions With Sarah Jessica Parker

Have y'all seen this interview with Sarah Jessica Parker?  It's amazing for several reasons.

First, it's so fast!  Second, the questions are diverse and interesting and give you fun insight into SJP.  And third, it's in her home.  You get to see much of the first floor of her townhouse!  I love love love a good peek inside homes and hers does not disappoint.

73 Questions with Sarah Jessica Parker....

Dear Lindsay Lohan...Episode 2

Dear Lindsay Lohan,

Oh child!  This show is such a train wreck but I can't stop looking.  Not, I'm sorry to say, in a good way, though.

So Lindsay, here are this week's notes...

One... You wore a few bras this week!  Woot woot for keeping the girls locked and loaded!

Two... You took a shot {of what I assume was ginger and carrot juice} and ate vodka pizza.  I'm no expert on learning to be sober but I am an expert on actually being sober.  And I can tell you that it makes no sense to dabble in those old ways, even if seemingly harmless.  Don't you think it sends the wrong message {mostly to yourself} to take shots of anything or to order anything with alcohol in it?  I'm not suggesting that those two food items were in any way alcoholic.  But they are part of the behavior system that sent you to rehab six times.

Three... Explain the sober coach to me.  Because last week he laughed it off when you skipped your AA meeting and this week he didn't point out that taking shots of anything is dumb and next week it looks like he tries to get you out of filming the show...again.  Is this a paid position for him?  Is is a volunteer?  Is he your sponsor?  From what I've seen so far, he's kind of a combo of an enabler and a lingering puppy dog.  I've yet to understand his purpose or see him benefit you in any way.

Four... Lose the extensions.  I know it's a Hollywood thing, so I'm not just getting on you for this.  But let me share with you a little secret.  Ready?  Rapunzel long hair like that ages women who are over the age of 22.  That combined with the smoking is doing you no favors.

Five... Congrats on the new apartment.  Your face looked so genuinely happy and it was quite sweet to see.  It's also an ah-maz-ing new pad!!  Two stories, enormous windows, big kitchen, lots of light, and be still my heart it also had a huge balcony!  Drooling!!  Now I see why so many big checks were involved in this process.  I can't wait to see how you furnish it.

Six... Where did all of those people come from in the new apartment?  So Cash and Matt were there and then poof, you have a friend, your new "celebrity trainer/life coach" and your driver all walk in.  Was that planned?  Is the trainer now going to be with you day in and day out, too?  Do celebs really get that attached to drivers?  I just don't understand having people at the ready.  Three weeks ago I tried to spontaneously, on a Thursday, schedule a one hour coffee date with District and Super Nice for Sunday.  We went back and forth for days and eventually had to cancel because we couldn't get our schedules to sync up. I'm sure if I was in the hospital or in a major crisis I could get a few friends to come to me with little notice.  But to see my new, furniture-less home?  Puh-lease!

Seven... The scene where you are mad and stomping your feet like a toddler because the production company is concerned that if they give you this huge advance for the fancy apartment that you'll bail on them...just beyond ridiculous.  You were so far in the wrong on that one that I am nearly at a loss for words.  It was money you hadn't earned yet.  Further, you were backing out of things right and left, including filming.  They had every reason to be concerned that you would flake and leave them in the lurch for the money.

Eight... Not to be rude but...I thought you were gay.  No?  Didn't you date a woman for several years?  Not that you owe me or anyone a definition of your sexuality.  I was just surprised when you discussed your new boyfriend with your dad.

Nine... When you went on and on about how your dad shouldn't judge your friends just because they still party, etc, because they are good people and don't do it around you.  I don't just seems so concerning.  I feel like you are so removed from reality.  Ah...this is all just so train wreck-y but I can't look away.  The sober coach and the life coach need to step up and impart some wisdom here.  You need friends who have fun without partying.  You need normal people in your life.  And yes, you absolutely should edit your life!  Edit out the parts that don't support the path you are on now.  That's how life works. We edit.  We grow and change and evolve and rearrange.  Edit your life, Lindsay!

Ten... Once again, your assistant Matt is a flippin' saint.  He's the real story of this show.  He needs his own show.  He's such a sharp dresser, too!  I hope he's well paid as he seems to be the only person on this show who has his shit together.

Next week it looks like Momma Oprah herself, along with my favorite, Sheri Salata, come to NYC to have a come to Jesus with you.  Smack down from Momma know I will be watching!  Oprah does not mince words!

I do wish you the best.  But as I said last week, this show and move to NYC seem like they are only serving to decrease the time it takes you to check in to rehab for a seventh time.  For all the people you have following you around and wiping your nose, you seem very ill-equip to live in the real world, and especially the fast lane of New York City.

Until next week,
KK the Preppy Pink Crocodile

Monday, March 10, 2014

Dear Lindsay Lohan...Episode 1

Dear Lindsay Lohan,

Oh honey!  I watched your new reality show on OWN last night.  After the first episode, here are my thoughts.  Feel free to mull them over.

First... Please wear a bra.  I don't understand why women don't wear bras.  I recently read a quote by Rhianna where she stated that she either wears a shirt OR a bra.  Not both.  Why??  At what point did the earth's axis shift and that became acceptable?  It's part of an underwear set.  Ladies wear underwear.  Little girls do not.  Grow up, become a lady and wear your under garments.

Second... Smoking is gross.  But I expect you already know that.  It's also an ugly habit that ages you.

Third... You seem very bratty and self-absorbed.  Is that how all of Hollywood acts?  I'm serious...someone who knows more than me...please answer.  Am I wrong to criticize this behavior?  You made your assistant run back to the hotel to move all of your crap to another room just because.  Not because the first room was bad.  Not because there were problems.  Just because you were having a bratty, melt down moment.  A healthy slice of humble pie would do you good!

Fourth... I get that you want a place to call home.  I'm a total homebody, so I feel you on that one.  And I get that it's unfair that prices are suddenly higher when they know you are a celeb.  But you are also a huge risk.  Your life resume is long and unsavory.  Real estate is expensive and the owners need to protect their investment.  Also, I'm quite positive that hotel you stayed in has a gym.  No one is stopping you from creating a regular workout routine.

Fifth... Why didn't you move in with your mother?  Or a stable family member?  Do you not have an old aunt in Ohio or cousin in Idaho that you can stay with for six months?  I really think a little bit of normal would do you a world of good.  From what I have seen of this show so far, you seem about one high heel break away from a melt down leading to bad decisions.  I say that out of sincere concern.  Moving to NYC seems like a dangerous decision.

Sixth... Someone explain to me why you needed a magazine to pay for your trip to promote a movie.  Does the movie not pay for that?  I always assumed when actors went to London or LA or wherever to promote the opening of movies and premieres, that it was all part of the PR expenses.  No?

Seventh... Your personal assistant seems like a saint!  I imagine I would say that about most assistants though.

Eighth... Wear a bra!!  It's worth noting twice.  Seriously...bra, bra, bra.  Wear a bra!!

Until next week,
KK the Preppy Pink Crocodile


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