Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Breaking Up Via Text

Well...I am officially a jerk.

I've been dating (I use that term so lightly.  Truly more like friending.  And I even use that term lightly.  OK so like once a month I go out to dinner.  And that's it- it starts and ends at dinner.  So I've been dinnering?  Sometimes no dinner and just movie-ing.) a guy for many months.  But it's going nowhere slowly.  He's never even been to my house because he "hates" my city.  He's actually frequently shops three blocks from my house but he heard the rest is just terrible, so he refuses to even pick me up.  Seriously...that's not dating!  It's ridiculous!

I wanted to end it in early December but I had agreed to go to something specific with him mid month.  So then I wanted to end it after that but he was busy that next week.  Then he was home for three weeks.  Then we didn't see each other for more than a month.  Close to six weeks.  Then he asked me out and I thought I had built it all up in my head and went to the movie.  Which if you remember, did not end well.  And I wanted to end it right then and there.  The words were on the tip of my tongue for 15 minutes.  But when I opened my mouth, nothing came out.

I wimped out is what happened.

He then asked me out super last minute last weekend but I was equal parts busy and annoyed at the last minute ask that was phrased as "my plans changed so I can do something."  So I said no, sorry, I had plans.  Which I did (I could have changed them but that's not the point.).

We then had a super awkward text convo that left me knowing I needed to rip off this damn band-aid immediately.

I'm not trying to make him out to be a bad person.  He isn't.  It's not me vs. him.  It's just that the us is all wrong.  And I haven't done anything about it because I was letting myself just sort of float along and exist instead of pulling up my big girl britches and being a little bit brave.  I deserve better and so does he.

But he is going to be out of town over the next few weekends.  When I ask him to get coffee during the week, he tells me he's busy and can let me know the day of.  Which is again, equal parts annoying and rude as I don't sit around waiting for some guy to suddenly have time for an hour visit with me.

So I asked District to give me...I don't know...permission...her blessing...confirmation...that I could justify the dreaded break up text.  She said go for it and that was good enough for me.

I don't even consider us breaking up to be honest though.  I mean, you have to consider yourself a couple to break up.  I am not even sure we are friends.  We're like acquaintances who text deep things like "how was your day" a few times a week.

Anyway, I am not sure if I should anticipate an angry text back, no text at all, or something along the lines of "it's all cool, I am totally on the same page."  But I am nervous as all get out.

And for the record, I feel like a slug.  It was a rude move on my part.  It should have been said properly and in person.  But we've never spoken on the phone, we've not emailed since before our first date, and he's busy until the foreseeable future.

We are looking for different things out of a relationship (friendship or otherwise).  Well...actually I have no idea what he's looking for, but I promise it isn't me.  Nor is he what I need/want.

Still...I can't believe I just did that.  Total jerk move on my end.  I fully admit it and I am not at all proud!  But I just cannot have this lingering any longer.  You can judge's fine...I'm judging me, too.

He replied with a nice text.  I have no idea if he meant it or was saving face but as he can often be confrontational over silly issues, I am so relieved and just going with it.  Whew!!


Flo said...

If it isn't working, it isn't working. I don't think it was a jerk move at all. Maybe he has been wanting to do the same and you just beat him to the punch?

Sarah said...

Totallly NOT a jerk move! You deserve someone who makes an effort to see you, not someone who will call you last minute if he doesn't have anything else going on. He's a jerk.

Alex said...

It appears he wasn't treating you all that great as well (I don't trust a guy that refuses to pick someone up for a date). But I think you did the right think, better end it quickly then let it drag on any longer.

Buford Betty said...

Good for you! Refusal to pick me up would've been an absolute deal breaker for me, ugh! So dumb.

Katiellirb said...

I was totally surprised when I heard you did this but after getting the whole story, I think it's totally justified. You hardly see him to do it in person. Best to end it now that keep up with the charade which btw is soo rude when people invite you last minute! Makes me feel like their second choice!


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