30-Something And Single

Today Kelly's Korner Blog is having a link up for women over 30 who are single to connect with each other.  And I thought it might be a great time to touch on this subject again.

I have a lot of issues surrounding this topic.

Part of me is working on coming to terms with being single forever.

I mean, there just comes a point when you have to accept things.  I don't want to be this pathetic woman existing in a fantasy, who thinks that everyone can achieve anything in life.  That's just not true.  You can't have it all.  What a ridiculous notion!  I have no idea if it's because we don't all earn the same blessings or the world just needs balance or dumb luck or what.  But I do know that we cannot all have the same things in life.  And we certainly cannot all have everything we want.  I'm working hard on accepting that this life won't likely include a partner.  It isn't what I hoped for or dreamed of, but it's not the end of the world.  Or that's what I'm trying to tell myself, anyway.

Part of me is tired of trying.

I find first and early dates to be exhausting at this point.  I go through phases of going on a lot of them and the excitement just isn't there for me right now.  It's not that I think they are going to be bad.  But a first date is about selling yourself to some guy.  I think I'm super boring at the moment.  I'm just so over me.  And therefore, have zero energy or motivation to put on this song and dance self-PR campaign.

Part of me feels like I'm sitting on the Target clearance rack.

Am I damaged goods because I'm unmarried at this age?  Because many days I feel like I should be half price given my age and lack of children.  I feel dented and inadequate and so last season.  A mean girl recently asked me, after asking my age, what I was doing about getting married because I needed to hurry up.  As if I am not aware with every beat of my heart that I am 35 and my window is rapidly closing on the life I want.

I hate the double standard.

This feeling like life is over if I am unmarried is overwhelmingly a girl thing.  No one would even think to ask a 30-something guy what he was doing to hurry along getting married, implying that his time was almost up to be socially acceptable.  Sowing oats, focusing on career, embracing bachelorhood, and just not interested in marriage are all valid reasons for a guy to be unwed.  But a girl...well she needs to hurry up!  I resent this double standard, and so many others, in life.  It just adds so much more stress to the matter.

I have no single girlfriends.

Well that's not exactly true.  I have a few.  But it requires less than one hand to count them up, and they are not all local.  Even my friends who are a decade younger than me are attached.  It means that all those times that I was the recipient of 2 AM phone calls after friends had bad break ups or crazy dates or wedding planing crises were one way.  Because I would never dream to even call my friends at 2 PM knowing their kiddos are all taking naps or coming home from school.  I missed that boat to call in a return on those favors.  I mostly date in secret.  Not as in I keep it a secret.  But who am I going to tell?  Who really cares at this point?  Everyone has these lives that are bigger and fuller and more involved than mine.  Which isn't a real issue.  Or rarely.  So that's not as much a complaint as it is me pointing out something the more socially acceptable married gals never realize.  When you are this age and single, you're sort of out there alone.  Gone are the days of the group dates and group outings or over analyze the date phone calls with girlfriends.  They just don't exist at this age.

But life must go on.

I don't walk around in tears every day, so please don't get that impression.  I mean, I live my normal little life.  I'm busy and involved and working hard on a variety of projects.  I have hobbies and favorite pastimes.  I have a fur baby.  But there is never a moment that passes when I am not in tune with my age and marital status.  I don't want this to define me.  I don't want to be seen as the last single girl standing.  That's not cool.  But getting to the point of acceptance, something for which I beg God daily, has not been an easy process, with many set-backs along the way.