Monday, October 19, 2009

Monster Monday

When I was 16, on July 03rd to be exact, I left my Satan's house for good. Until that point, my father had always insisted that no matter how terrible she was, it was important for me to maintain a relationship with my mother. God bless him. Not many ex-spouses would do that for the sake of their child. And even though I went through hell, I think the fact that I left entirely on my own accord had a major positive impact in my life. My father was actually out of the country when the straw finally broke.

I bet you are wondering what the major catastrophe was that lead to this. Well like so many things in life, it was a nothing event. My mother said that she and Satan would refuse to help me with my luggage (they were picking me up at the airport from a 2 week church tour through Europe) if I didn't hug and kiss him. I refused and so did they. So they stood there as family after family greeted their children with hugs and love and excitement to hear about their fabulous experience. They did nothing. Well told me how terrible I was, but they sure as heck didn't help me with any of my major teenage luggage, pillow, shopping bags, backpack and all the other crap that I had with me. At the time it felt like major drama. Looking back, I see that it was not really that big of a deal. It sucked but I managed. I faked a smile just like I always did. Ironically, the older I get, the worse I am at the fake happiness. If I am tired or unhappy or sad, it show. Clear as a crystal ball. Sometimes that's annoying but overall, I think I like that my feelings show so easily. It makes me feel more honest. Isn't that life though- the little things set you off? It was the straw that broke the camel's back. Right there in the middle of the airport. That lead to screaming and yelling and tears.

My car was at my dad's house though. They were supposed to take me to get it the following day as dad was out of the country on business. I called one of my best friends, Doc, hysterical, as Satan and his wife recorded my phone call. They recorded just about every phone call I ever made. Saying that they didn't. But I wasn't deaf. And later they admitted it. Stating that they never trusted me or my dad. They for sure recorded ever call I made to my dad while they were in the house. Anyway, my friend Doc and her family didn't quite know what to do. They knew many of the details of my life but taking me away from family was different. I ended up packing up anything I thought I might need (wasn't much- I never really kept much there- the majority of my clothes and belongings were always at my home- my dad's house) that night with my door locked. I told my mother and Satan that I would never return to their house. I went on and on about how this was my final night in their house. After I was done, my mother threatened me saying that if I left I was not welcome back in Satan's house. I literally laughed. I said, did you not just hear me, I am not ever coming back! The next day they dropped me off at my dad's house. I can't remember if I said anything but I doubt it. I am excellent at giving the silent treatment. Doc and her boyfriend and Florida's-now-hub came to get me that afternoon (it was July 04th) and we spent the afternoon/evening with friends at the beach. I was traumatized but it was actually a good way to get my head sort of on straight. They actually were not out of my life for good but it was the last time I was ever under their control. And I didn't speak to her for about a year. Like on the phone speak to her. It was the spring of my senior year of high school before I willingly saw her again.

Leaving Satan and his wife is still today the most significant event of my life. All because of luggage. I think it's funny now. There is nothing in my life about which I feel more pride! It takes ever ounce of your being to walk away from family. I have such conflicted sympathy for women like my mother. On one hand, I understand how impossible it feels to walk out that door and never look back. On the other hand, it was her job to love and protect me. She failed miserably!

But it was the very best decision I've ever made. Many judged me. Many still do. But that was the moment I grew free. It was a horrible night but I smile when I think about it. That night changed my life for the better!

8 comments:

MMW said...

seriously - I love these events you've shared. I feel your strength - and I feel your power. I feel empowered too! Bless you for your courage and your healing.
xoxo

Pink Maple said...

Your posts on this subject are so heartfelt and touching. Good for you for writing about it; I hope it is helping. Your experience makes me even more thankful for my wonderful parents.

Rachel H. said...

Such a huge event in your life and so important to share your life and the things that happened! Love it!!

Preppy in Pink said...

Awsome, I didn't totally walk away till I was 35. Your so lucky to have had the strength to do it at 16. I didn't have a real dad to go to tho I had to wait for prince charming :) Have a great day!

e.m. said...

You are right. It is difficult to sympathize and hold fault with someone at the same time. I often struggle with how can you forgive someone's weakness and shortcomings that cause or have caused you direct pain (the exact pain this person is "supposed" to protect you from)and move on? And I'm there with you with all the taped recorded phone calls..unfortunately. Thanks for sharing and have a great day! xo

Jennifer said...

I love reading these posts. If any good came out of you having to live through this, it has made you the strong woman you are. Thanks for sharing!

Princess Freckles said...

I can relate to you on this more than you can even imagine. I thank you for sharing your experience with us. Its really very brave, but I imagine theraputic for you
too.

Cara said...

PPK,
Been reading all of your posts, thank you for sharing. I went through similar issues, though not nearly as difficult as yours at 16 too. Hope sharing has helped, you are showing others that they too can make the decisions they need to for themselves. You are one strong cookie!!!

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