Thursday, February 28, 2008

Thursday Giggle

This is a foreword that was just sent to me and had me laughing out loud. It's a good mid-week giggle.

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choicefor best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core orDri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the 'curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jenifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you effing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending BS.

And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Pork Chop Pie

So the crockpot experiment last night turned out Grrrr-eat! I was looking online for a new recipe and came across one for pork that included exactly two ingredients, pork chops and 1 can of cherry pie filling. I thought that sounded terrible. I bake pie fairly regularly (I don't eat cake) and would never ever ever use canned filling. They are tasteless. But then I got to thinking, I bet that would be a good base for a recipe if I would just jazz it up a bit. So I did just that. It was delicious and garnered numerous compliments.

Pork Chop Pie (it's not a pie we are making here kiddos- I just think the name is funny.)

6-8 pork chops
1 can cherry pie filling
1 can apple pie filling
1 medium onion chopped into chunks
and generously to taste.... salt, pepper, ground ginger, ground nutmeg, garlic powder

Throw it all in the crockpot. Mix it up. Put the lid on and set to low all day or high for 5 hours. Mmmmmm! Trust me. It is sweet and savory and yummy all in one. Now the cans of filling have a lot of sugar, so if that is something you are adverse to, don't try it. Otherwise, it's good eats! And if you only need to cook up 3-4 chops, I would simply omit one of the cans of pie filling.

Monday, February 25, 2008

B-day and a Bunch of Random Stuff

This is a random post today....

First - thank you to bestie and all those who found out that it was my bday on Friday. While I am still maintaining that I have not gained a year this birthday, I really appreciate all of the happy wishes. Thanks y'all! You're just the best bloggy friends a girl can have. And I am so happy that dreaded day is over and done with. Maybe next year I will venture into that new and scary age bracket. But not this year.

Second - Bestie sent these flower and balloon to me on Friday. Isn't she just so super duper? I know! Anyway, they are beautiful and made me smile big (not an easy accomplishment for that dreaded day!) but they have a much bigger and unexpected bonus benefit. I have them in the kitchen and every time I walk past, the balloon blows a little. Which terrifies the dog. She stands in the hallway staring at that evil balloon. She will bark and duck and try to run past it while getting herself as far as possible away from it. It's a very scary balloon. Especially when Moma stands there making the balloon bounce towards her. She flips out. I am the worst moma ever because I just stand there laughing my tush off.

Third - I was at Wally World last week. (I told you this post was random.) It was around 5:30PM or so and the night before a snow storm. My point is that it was busy- full of people. As I am crossing the parking lot to walk into the store (I know- Wally World is evil but I was totally out of everything shower related and it was close and well... Don't hate me because I needed shampoo!) I notice a woman pushing a shopping buggy exiting the store. She looks to be in her 70's and is wearing a sweater and a long ankle length skirt with tights underneath. The back of her skirt though is tucked into her panties. So her whole fanny is hanging out. Now she did have tights on but I am still guessing that she is not mooning the parking lot on purpose. How she didn't feel the breeze I am not sure. But what got me was that the store was super crowded. There were several people standing right outside the store who looked at her but didn't say a word. I literally ran (not crazy like- but I felt bad that she had been walking around like this for who knows how long so I wanted to tell her asap) to her and politely told her. She thanked me profusely. I would too! If you seen me walking around with my skirt tucked into my panties, please tell me. Because you can bet your bottom dollar that I am not knowingly and willingly mooning the town.

And last - I have an experiment brewing in my crockpot tonight. I'll let you know tomorrow if it's delish or if I have to call for pizza.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Ribbon Ruffle Socks Tutorial

This is so easy and I hardly think it requires pictures. But for those who want you go! I had no idea so many blog buddies wanted directions for ribbon ruffle socks.

Step 1: Buy socks. Wash/dry socks.

Step 2: Stretch end of sock where you want the ribbon ruffle to end up. Measure to figure out how much ribbon you will need. Just guesstimate. It is roughly twice the size of the un-stretched sock.

Step 3: Cut ribbon to size, adding an extra 1/2 inch for a seam.

Step 4: Use Frey Check or clear nail polish on ends of ribbon. Allow to dry.

If you need baby socks or grosgrain ribbon, here are some deals that I found...

Step 5: Sew ribbon ends together to form a loop.

Step 6: Turn sock inside out. Before I turned it inside out I marked with a pin the direction and side that I wanted the ribbon to be attached. But this was just to help me remember- if you have a better mind you will not need to do this.

Step 7: Pin seamed end of ribbon to back of sock. Then pinch ribbon to sort of figure out where the other 3 quadrants are and pin them as well to the sock. Again, just use your best judgment. This is not an exact science. Or it isn't when I sew them anyway.

Step 8: This is the hardest part of this entire process. Ready? OK! (I totally said that in my head like an old-school '80's cheerleader) You need to stretch the tiny sock and sew at the same time. I figured that you need to stretch from pin a to pin b and so on as you are sewing. I used a zig zag stitch to allow for more stretch/give after it is sewn. The trickiest part is just keeping the sock stretched out while sewing on the ribbon. Which is less tricky and more just a reminder to go slowly.

Minus the time it takes for the Frey Check to dry, this whole process only takes a few minutes. Easy peasy! And the perfect addition to any little girl gift!

Let me know if you use this tutorial and share photos.

Happy sewing!!

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Socks Questions Answered...

I seem to be bad at two things lately. The first is apparently checking one of my emails. Those of you who have exchanged emails with me for whatever reason (blog invites, swaps, random questions....) might notice that the email I used was different than the email posted on my blog. I was attempting to remain anonymous when I started blogging. But that plan went to "hell in a hand-basket." All the more reason for me to think more about going private. Hmmmm. But that's a different topic for another day. Anyway, I realized the other day that I had neglected to check my email (the hotmail acct that is posted on this blog) for a very long time. I totally missed participating in Chloe's virtual baby shower hosted by the fabu Grosgrain Garage because I didn't check my email. I missed several emails from other bloggy friends too. So if you emailed me and I never most sincere apologies! I was not ignoring you on purpose. I guess I am just a combo of forgetful and lazy. But I have learned my lesson. I promise to check my email like a normal person from now on!!

The second thing I have been terrible about is responding to questions on comments. Two recent questions were regarding the kiddie socks I "made." Yes, I am more than happy to make them for you if interested. Just email me at pinkcrocodiledesigns @ hotmail. I promise to check it and reply back asap. I have more ribbon than I know what to do with for you to chose from. Ribbon and fabric are like candy to me. I love them. Have to buy them. Often. In every variety possible. Oy vey!

But they are so crazy easy and I am not stingy. If you want to make them yourself, just let me know. I'm happy to email the directions to you.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Strange Me

I was tagged by Pink, Green and Southern to share 7 strange facts about myself. So here goes....

1. I am obsessed with the Olympics. Obsessed! My favorite winter sports are men's and women's figure skating and snow boarding half pipe. And my summer sports are gymnastics, swimming and diving. But I will watch ANY Olympic sport with almost as much enthusiasm. Sports I normally could care less about and have no understanding of like hockey and kayaking have me screaming at the TV during the Olympics. I have always been this way too. I can spit out random facts from every game I have watched.

2. I am totally, 100% non athletic. I hate working out. I hate sweating. I have to trick myself into exercising by going to dance classes or pilates. Gyms scare me. Literally. I am so self-conscious and feel like everyone is staring at me.

3. I am also very self-conscious while grocery shopping. Specifically while checking out. I am not normally at all a self-conscious person. But OMG I totally get worried that the people behind me are judging me for buying an US Weekly or ice cream. It might be stating the obvious but I love LOVE self check out. It makes me actually enjoy grocery shopping.

4. I will clean my house multiple times each week if needed but I never ever clean my car. I don't have papers or trash or anything in my car so it is not messy. But it is totally dirty because I never wash it. I just never think about it until I have someone new (as in never been in my car before) sit in my car and then I feel bad. It needs to be vacuumed something fierce. But then the moment passes and I go back to not caring. Which is so odd because I don't hesitate a bit to vacuum my house any random day of the week.

5. I think of my dog as if she is my child. I don't mean that I love her. I mean, I LOVE her. She is just the most precious thing in the world to me. And I will totally have a conversation with her. I'm not embarrassed. Not only do I feel strongly about my pup but I feel this way about my friend's pups too. I actually do not find this to be strange but I know that most others do so ...

6. Even the smell of cucumber or watermelon make me dry heave. I likely ate them and threw them up as a tot and now just have a left-over Pavlovian Classical Conditioning effect. I can tell you if they have even touched a food I eat too- they are such icky, strong flavors. When I tell my father I don't like them, he always replies "but they are so refreshing." To which I always reply "not when they make you vomit, Dad!"

7. I love honey. I will eat it with Saltines or even plain. It is not uncommon for me to walk into the kitchen and have a spoon of peanut butter and then a spoon of honey as an afternoon snack. I love to buy different flavors from small producers at farmers markets. It is seriously one of the world's most perfect foods.

I tag anyone who wants to play along.

Please Invite Me...

Please invite me to read, Happy Housewife! I love your blog! I miss it. You went private and didn't invite me. Sniff! I'm sad. Is that pathetic enough to get a little bloggy invite? Pretty please?

Thursday, February 14, 2008

I Take It Back, Snow...

Dear Winter Snow,

I'm sorry. I know I was very rude and mean when I was creatively cursing you out (creatively because I am attempting to give up cursing for Lent. I don't actually curse out loud a lot but I email abbreviations all the time and I think it. So far so good. Turns out saying "sugar snap peas" with the same tone as other choice phrases not only lets the frustration out but it makes those in ear shot giggle.) the last few days. I was bitter. Well actually, I was rather bitter cold if we are going to get into details. But I digress. I said hurtful things and that was wrong. Because today the sun is shining bright and making you sparkle like pixie dust. You turned into ice on the trees again and look like beautiful cut crystal. You have turned my dreary-in-mid-winter city into a fairy land. I love it. I really think we should be friends again, Snow! Let's just make sure we don't get too carried away though. It's only fair that I spend equal time with my other friends like Spring Flowers and Summer Sunshine. But for now, it's still your turn to hang out. And I am going to try to be a more positive friend. Or at the very least, not curse you out until after Easter Sunday.

Preppy Pink Crocodile

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Snow Storm Blues

Last night we got snow. Then rain and then ice. It's nice. I'm thrilled. Knowing the storm was coming, I ran out to pick up a few necessities for a nice warm dinner. And since it was hardly snowing yet, I felt like I could take a few minutes to run into TJ Max (which is across from my grocery store) to see if they had anything I needed. I go through phases with my Max. Sometimes it is so good to me- spoiling me with treats for such steals. Then I can go months or more without finding anything more than junk. But last week I had luck so I thought I would go for round two. I found several fun goodies and the best was by far this set of four Lilly place-mats. Monkeys on one side and butterflies on the other. OK, so the snow is still coming down. But when I look at my happy place-mats....I can dream about warmer days with fancy things like sunshine!

Then home to walk the puppy (in the snowstorm- burrr!) and make dinner. Turkey meatloaf, sugar snap peas and roasted potatoes. My cousin Kim makes these amazing meals and last time I was at her house, these delish potatoes were served. I flipped- they were soooo yummy! But she cooks like Martha- a thousand and one ingredients and 12 course meals. I asked anyway and was thrilled to learn that this was totally my style of recipe (if you can even call it a recipe). I mean, I love me some Martha but on a daily basis I am much more in tune with Sandra Lee. She's just more practical. So are you ready kids? This is so super easy. Chop up a bunch of 'taters (and I had 1/2 and onion left so I threw that in too) and toss with this seasoning packet and two tablespoons of evoo. That's it. Totally yummy and easy side dish.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Dear Mr. Postman

So stamp prices are going up again in May. And I think this is ridiculous!

Oh I fully understand why they need to increase the price of a stamp- high prices for gas and jet fuel and cost of living for postal workers, yada yada. I get it.

But what I don't understand is why the US Postal service doesn't try to find alternative methods of income rather than charge the good people just trying to keep alive the dying art/habit of sending snail mail cards and letters to friends across the globe.

I have for years said (mostly to myself and the dog) that the Post Office should quit increasing prices every 6-12 months. Instead they should sell advertising space on stamps to make up the price difference.

Because I honestly don't care what image is on my stamps.  I guess I think some of the holiday stamps are cute and the wedding stamp is nice enough. But I don't really care about a stamp image enough to pay attention. I would have no problem sticking a stamp on my card envelope that was trying to sell Diet Coke or Tide detergent or whatever.

I don't work for the Postal Service or even work for the US Government so I have never put a whole lot of thought into such issues. I am just saying that someone should (namely those who do work for said organizations) invest a bit of time into some more creative solutions.

Do you think the US Postal Service is reading my blog? It's pink and green....who can resist pink and green?!

Geriatric Night?

Um....was tonight some sort of 60th high school reunion or geriatric night at the Grammy Awards? I mean, there were numerous good parts. I liked the Beetles bit (but again....Old-ville) and I watched the whole darn thing just to listen to my boyfriend,Josh Groban, sing to me. He of course did not disappoint. Kisses, Josh! But Aretha looks like she is just ancient and sort of looked like a big ole Easter basket. And what was with the trio of geriatric men they broke out of the retirement village to play piano and sing to us? I'm sorry to be rude but "Great Balls of Fire" is just not the same when the man is like 100. And while I like Kanye's "Stronger", I am long over his holier than thou attitude. He also looks ridiculous in those glasses. They weren't cool in '82 and they are still not cool now, pal. OK, I feel better. I think I am just bitter that the show made me watch the whole program before my Josh could sing to me.

And yes, I love me some Josh Groban. My other pretend boyfriends are Anderson Cooper and Joshua Jackson. I don't think this says much for my taste in men. I love Groban because when he sings, I melt. And Cooper and I go way back to those Channel One days. He can hold a conversation and I am talker so I am pretty sure we are perfect for each other. And Jackson...well who doesn't love Pacey?! I apparently have very dorky taste. Whatev. We all have our flaws.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Jungle Fever

Did y'all catch Lipstick Jungle on NBC last night? Soooo good! Loved it. And I am not just saying that because there is nothing else to watch these days. It was cute and witty and reminded me a lot of the TBS version of Sex and the City. Fast dialog, multiple and on-going story lines and a cast who all seem to be over the age of 22. Actually the cast was the best part- I love that they are all actors who had their hay day years ago and are back on TV for round two. But round two is not on some crappy celebrity version of a "reality" show. I loved when Mr.Rich Guy sent a cupcake! So cute! If you didn't see it, watch it. And really, there is nothing else to watch anyway.

Since it didn't start until 10PM though, I kept myself occupied doing some sewing projects. Including two more pairs of socks. They are just so quick and easy and I know they will make a great gift sooner or later.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Pretty Piggies and Ice Trees

Last night we had rain, then rain that promptly turned into ice (which is crazy dangerous but I love love how it makes trees look like glass) and then a dusting of snow. I don't think we had more than an inch of snow but when it sits on top of ice it can be very very slippery. These pics are terrible because it was cold and night time and I didn't want to go outside. But you can sort of see my glass-looking ice trees.

But instead of dwelling on the cold weather that will surely be upon us (here in the NE anyway) for several more months, I bought these at TJ Max. I think they are the only piece of Tommy that I own- I typically do not like his stuff. I really don't like wearing advertising and his stuff (or it used to be like this anyway- maybe it is not anymore) all has big letters spelling "Tommy" across it. Tacky. But these will be very cute and pretty on my summer piggy toes. Whenever that month might be....

And I made these. I have wanted to make cute ribbon ruffle socks for a while to include in baby gifts. But I didn't sit down to actually figure it out until now. And let me just say, there was not much to figure out. Very quick and easy. And waaaaay cute, if I do say so myself! Pretty, preppy baby piggy toes! These cute burpees will be a cute addition too. I think I send someone a baby gift at least every other month. All my girls are into baby making these days I guess. But tiny cute little gifts are so much fun to make so I hardly mind.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Why So Private??

Did I miss the memo? Why is everyone going private in 2008? Should I be private too? Did something happen that made you feel the need to privatize? Many who are private don't share pics of themselves so I am thinking that something must have happened to scare you into the private corner. I hope everything is OK!! Or maybe you just don't like me reading your blog anymore? No, I am going to stick to my notion of something going wrong leading you into private bloggage. Fill a girl in, will ya?

Also, may I please be invited to read Coterie? Thanks much!!

Side note...does Blogger let y'all use spell check? Because it has not worked for me in several weeks. Argh!

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Happy Super Tuesday!

I love politics! Today is like my dorky news junkie Thanksgiving! Election Day is like my dorky girl Christmas. I'm nervous and excited and love being able to participate with my vote! Don't you just love being American?! Soooo much fun. Or it is for goobers like me who refer to watching CNN newscasts as "having a chat with Anderson (or fill in the newscaster's name)." I craft, I bridesmaid, I like mindless TV shows like Big Brother and Real Housewives, I love all things preppy and pink, and I am a news junkie. There you have it- all my dirty little secrets are out!

Happy Super Tuesday, kiddos! Go vote!

Monday, February 4, 2008

Everyone Has A Voice

I don't go on this site nearly as much as bestie does. But I was just on Perez and saw this. I laughed out loud. Just struck me as so funny. But it is true that everyone does have a voice- even strippers. I want to know who was waiting around though to see who the ladies of the night were backing before making their own vote. Like, are there folks out there saying to themselves, "I need to wait to see who the strippers or Paula Abdul or Paris Hilton or Chuck Norris (insert any celeb name) are voting for before I make my final decision!" ? Well if you were waiting to see the final decision .... the vote is in.

Friday, February 1, 2008

I Heart Starbucks!

Dear Starbucks,

Thank you for my unexpected but very appreciated little gifty! As usual, one of my little Christmas gifts from Daddy was a Starbucks gift card. And like the last few years, I remembered to register the card on your website. Now I registered the cards in past years too but nothing happened. Friends would recieve coupons for free drinks in the mail or via email but I saw none of that. I think I only registered the silly cards this year because I was bored and they were sitting in front of me. But you must have felt bad for not showing me any frequent sipper love because you just sent me an email to tell me that you added $5 to my registerd gift card. And I am soooo excited! I know, $5 is tiny. But that's a free latte while I am strolling around the mall or Target. Mmmmmm! And that makes me totally smile. So Thanks Starbucks for making a girl grin! :)

Coffee love,
Preppy Pink Crocodile


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